IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say that smoking should be banded while others say it is not a good idea. What is your opinion about this?

#people #idea
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There are a lot of opinions about the concept “smoking should be banned”
while
 others say it is not a good idea. In my opinion, I agree with both statements. I supposed that “ smoking should be banned” is not a good idea at all, to explain
this
 statement I have reason to make it clear. There are, smoking is the favourite hobby of many
people
, and it helps with the mental health side. Smoking helps reduce stress when we get into some problems
of life-living
Verb problem
;
show examples
this
 is the same as the medical method for
people
 who are stressed out.
However
, I
also
 agree with the idea smoking should be banned. Because many
people
 get addicted for a longer time, it will cause cancer and other diseases. Smoking is
also
 effective on
people
 around, I believe
that is
 the main reason for smoking should be banned, the smoke is not really good for health, especially for children and other
people
 when they’re breathing in.
Therefore
, smoking has its own useful in some aspects, but it
also
 has bad effects. We should smoke less and smoke in a particular area that allows for smoking .
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

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task response
To strengthen task response, avoid contradicting statements like agreeing with both sides. Provide a definitive stance and support it with clear arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing logical transition between ideas. Ensure each paragraph leads smoothly to the next to improve coherence and cohesion.
task response
Include more relevant and specific examples to substantiate the points more effectively. This makes the argument more compelling.
task response
The essay introduces the topic well and acknowledges differing opinions, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
The essay ends with a reasonable conclusion, summarizing the benefits and drawbacks of smoking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative health effects
  • personal freedom
  • illegal trade
  • smuggling
  • regulate
  • designated
  • non-smokers
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