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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the process of producing yogurt in a factory. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process of producing yogurt in a factory. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram describes how the factories produce
yoghurt
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
to produce
Change the verb form
producing
show examples
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 takes 7 stages starting with boiling to transport to the stores.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram, the process of production starts with boiling
milk
Use synonyms
 to 90C for 30 minutes. It is
lucid
Correct word choice
clear
show examples
 that if the pasteurization of
milk
Use synonyms
 takes more than 30 min, it will become thicker
yoghurt
Use synonyms
. The next stage is cooling the
milk
Use synonyms
 from 90C to 44C and it helps to add more items to
milk
Use synonyms
. After that live bacteria cultures, which play an important role in the process, are added to the
milk
Use synonyms
. It is interesting to note that the fourth stage of preparation of
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 takes 4 hours.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process,
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 is put in the refrigerator to cool the product. Additional ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as sugar and fruits will be added to make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 product better. In the final stage, the
yoghurt
Use synonyms
 is poured
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 special cups and
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is sold for distribution.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yoghurt, milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pasteurization
  • fermentation
  • bacterial cultures
  • incubation
  • optimal temperature
  • thickens
  • distinctive texture
  • cooled
  • additional ingredients
  • packaged
  • sealed
  • distribution
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