IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
While
 it is widely claimed that many professionals
such
 as physicians and engineers must
worked
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work
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 in the country where they trained
from
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apply
show examples
, others argue that the autonomy of working overseas should not be neglected. Both points of view and
reason
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the reason
show examples
 why I believe that will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it may
seems
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seem
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 sensible for some to believe that
this
 type of
careers
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career
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are
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is
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 crucial for the development of a nation and required to work.
This
 is
possibly
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possible
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 because people who worked in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
fields
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field
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often
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are often
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veiwed
Correct your spelling
viewed
 as those with high academic performances and
outwin
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outwit
out win
out in
 challenging
problem-solvings
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problem-solving
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. These
peoples
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people
show examples
 could considered as the
brain
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brains
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 of the nation,
that is
 why the government tried to persuade them to
employed
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be employed
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 as they have been trained already with some financial
supports
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support
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. Take physicians in Thailand,
For example
; the government already supported the funding of
the
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apply
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education with a
half funded
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half-funded
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 scheme for more
accessiblity
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accessibility
accessible
 for students with low-income
level
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levels
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,
in
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apply
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which
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apply
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working
domesticly
Correct your spelling
domestically
 for three years in return
of
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for
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 the deal. Many opponents of
this
 idea might
opposed
Verb problem
argue
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 that working abroad will
giving
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give
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 more opportunities
for
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apply
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them
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apply
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and
this
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these
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 options should not be restricted as it would
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
 as limiting one's autonomy.
To simply
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Simply
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 explain, limited career paths can prevent them
to
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from
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growth
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growing
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.
However
, I personally argue in favour of working in foreign countries freely seeing that it cannot pose a potential threat for work industries
due to
 interests and the expenses required. To simply explain,
Correct article usage
the trends
show examples
trends
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trend
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 of working abroad is not that everyone
Add a missing verb
is hype
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hype
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hyped
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 but rather a personal goal
in
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apply
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which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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should be
opt
Verb problem
apply
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for people who
in
Add a missing verb
are in
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 need.
For example
, working as a nurse in the
states
Capitalize word
States
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require
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requires
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 numerous expenses
such
 as
exams fee
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exam fees
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 and
travel related
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travel-related
show examples
 documents. In a nutshell,
although
 it is undeniable that working domestically is requested for
for
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
national development, I am of the opinion that the freedom of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 should be limited in order to respect one's autonomy.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
Your essay engages with the topic and discusses both perspectives, but some ideas are not fully developed. For example, you mention that working abroad can limit one's growth but do not elaborate on specific opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and punctuation to enhance clarity. For instance, "this type of careers are crucial" should be "these types of careers are crucial," and "This is possibly because people who worked in this fields" should be "This is possibly because people who work in these fields."
task achievement
Offer more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points. General statements make your argument less compelling. You could, for example, mention specific challenges or opportunities doctors or engineers face when working in different countries.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas can be improved. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs are abrupt. Use transitional phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand."
task achievement
Good job outlining both perspectives on the issue in your introduction. This is essential for a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, which effectively seals your argument.
task achievement
You provide some examples to support your points, such as the case of physicians in Thailand. This adds some depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
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