IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The news about violent crimes may frighten people or, on contrary, encourage them to commit a crime. Therefore, some believe that these types of news should not be reported in newspapers or on TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#news #crimes #people #crime #believe #newspapers #tv
Nowadays,
crime
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the crime
show examples
 rate has been increasing dramatically around the world. Many individuals believe that reported crimes should not
on
Add a missing verb
be on
show examples
 the news as it may make people feel unsafe or even encourage them to commit felonies. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I partially agree with
this
 issue. On one hand, reporting criminal acts in newspapers could be advantageous by informing citizens to be aware and cautious
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dangerous individuals.
That is
 to say, parents should let
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 children out late at night unsupervised as they would be more exposed to kidnapping by violent groups.
Additionally
, reported violent crimes could inform people about the punishment they could
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 if they tried
comitting
Correct your spelling
committing
 an offence.
Therefore
, they would be more careful and frightened to perform these
wrong doings
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wrongdoings
show examples
.
On the other hand
, many teenagers and young adults are convinced that they could be famous by being on the news so when they see criminals trending all over the news they feel encouraged to perform a criminal act. Take,
for example
, a teenager in France
attempted
Correct pronoun usage
who attempted
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 to rob a bank with the intention of being famous.
To conclude
, even though reporting unlawful acts on television and in newspapers could be beneficial, it could
also
 harm the minds of young people. I believe that informing individuals about these issues could help them become more cautious and
and
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apply
show examples
prevent them from doing the same but I
also
 think that it may encourage the younger generation to break the law.
Submitted by aysalhelebi on

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed comprehensively. While you have discussed reasons for both agreeing and disagreeing, try to balance the arguments equally, providing more examples where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'parents should let there children out late at night' should be 'parents should not let their children out late at night'.
task achievement
Elaborate on main points and examples to make the argument stronger. This will help in supporting your points more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the issue and your stance on it, setting up the essay well.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the essay's main points effectively and reiterates your partial agreement, which ties the essay together well.
logical structure
You have used appropriate linking words (e.g., 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', 'To conclude'), which help in maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
relevant specific examples
You have used relevant, although limited, examples to support your points, which adds value to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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