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Band 6

Caring of children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take training courses. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #mothers #fathers #courses
Raising kids is not an easy process, but it is something crucial to raise them properly, for many people believe that parenting
courses
 are essential before having kids. In my opinion, parents do not need to take
courses
 as there is no proper method of parenting that will suit all of us , and without
courses
, they will learn more about themselves. First and foremost, we have different opinions and beliefs, so some people may not accept the course's way of raising a child. The differences that are between us are what makes us special, and having a course that teaches
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain method of parenting is like making copies of the same product.
Moreover
, as
courses
 may lead to different opinions in the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 minds, it may become difficult for the parents to communicate with their children.
Secondly
, learning parenting without
courses
 will put the couples in front of big responsibilities that will help them to discover themselves. Despite the techniques that the parents may learn from a course to avoid some parenting problems, still, these problems are
important
Rephrase
still important
show examples
 to let them know more about each other and make their
strengthening
Wrong verb form
strengthen
show examples
 their bond.
Furthermore
, their management of life will be better, as learning from our mistakes stuck more in our minds than learning from other mistakes.
To sum up
, I believe that parenting is something natural, and
courses
 are not something necessary as through the parenting process we will be more mature.
Also
, we will be able to pass our own thoughts and culture to our children.
Submitted by okalqusay on

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task achievement
The introduction is clear, but it could be slightly expanded to provide a more comprehensive overview of the essay's argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or personal experiences to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed and consistently relevant to the topic. Some points could be elaborated further to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs; use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the structure within paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main arguments effectively.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equip (verb): to provide with necessary tools or skills
  • cater (verb): to attend to someone's needs or requirements
  • development stages (noun): specific times during a child's growth when certain physical or psychological changes occur
  • nutrition (noun): the process of providing or receiving the food necessary for health and growth
  • foster (verb): to promote the growth or development of something
  • mandatory (adjective): required by law or rules
  • infringement (noun): the action of limiting or undermining something
  • practicality (noun): the quality or state of being practical or realistic
  • accessibility (noun): the quality of being easy to obtain or use
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