Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Nowadays,

music

is always a hotly debated topic in conversation between both the young and the old. Almost all

people

love listening to

music

. some individuals believe that

music

is a good way of bringing

people

of diverse cultures and ages together. In my point of view, I totally agree with it. The following essay will give my opinion.

Firstly

music

will connect

people

who come from different cultures because nowadays, the Internet is increasingly developing so there are a lot of bands or singers who are very talented and renowned around the world.

Therefore

, concerts are

also

held more often and attract a great deal of tourists from all over the world who attend and enjoy the best

songs

together.

For example

, Blackpink is a very famous

music

band.

Last

year, they held a concert in Vietnam and

then

a lot of

people

of diverse cultures

such

as Vietnamese, Chinese or Americans came and had a wonderful time here together.

Secondly

music

helps individuals have connections between generations. Many

songs

are suitable for both the young and the old in a family to listen

Change preposition

to.

show examples

So members of a family can sit down and enjoy them together.

Then

they can discuss topics which the

songs

talk about, it will help the family bond strengthen more.

For instance

, during the Tet holiday, a lot of singers publish new

songs

music

videos about Tet. At that time, citizens

also

had free time,

therefore

, they could listen to these

songs

together and recall things that they did and overcame after a year together. In conclusion, many

people

claim that

music

is a great bridge between

people

from different countries and diverse generations. In my opinion, I totally agree with it.

Submitted by duongntt.tld on Thu Jul 11 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more elaboration on your examples. Explain more about how music connects people of different cultures and age groups at concerts or home settings. This will make your argument more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Work on ensuring more varied sentence structures and avoid repetition of words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'together' and 'songs,' use synonyms or rephrase to maintain reader interest.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.

task achievement

The examples provided, such as the Blackpink concert and Tet holiday songs, are relevant and support your argument well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The plans below show a traditional and a modern two-storey Japanese house, Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Some people think that finding a job satisfaction is considered the most important thing for the young generation nowadays. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

Nowadays university education is very expensive. Some people say that universities should reduce their fees, especially for the less fortunate stuvery spedents or those coming from rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?