The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion about days for work in a week. Some
people
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agree that it is better to shorten the working week.
As a result
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,
workers
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would get longer days on the weekend.
While
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the others argue to hold the rules that have been worked. I have the same view with the opinion of a shorter working week for the sake of humanity. On the one hand, shorter working weeks will benefit humans and
companies
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for several factors.
Firstly
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, the quality of life for
workers
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will increase because there is more time for taking rest. It is important because as a Human,
workers
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can’t do their duties every day. By having longer weekends, we can improve our quality.
For example
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, officers can apply to another course to add skills. Longer weekends will result in efficiency for their work.
Furthermore
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,
people
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will spend more time with special
people
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.
People
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can have many times to get to know their children deeper. It will benefit their family qualities.
Moreover
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,
companies
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will spend less on operational fees. They wouldn’t pay daily food
workers
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or for several monthly basis fees like internet and electricity fees.
As a result
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, the business will be sustained for a longer period.
On the other hand
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, decreasing the working days will lead to some consequences. The main impact will be
for
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on
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other businesses like mass transportation.
People
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won’t use buses and trains because there is a holiday for
workers
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,
whereas
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buses and trains are mostly used for
people
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who go to their offices. Another factor is that
companies
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’ adjustment for several factors should be prepared to ensure the
companies
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are still sustainable. There are some duties that must be done on weekdays and
companies
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should change their small part of business. In conclusion, it is hard for
companies
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to set new targets and goals. But, the effect for both humans and
companies
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will be higher because the quality of humans will increase,
although
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in a small way.

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Task Achievement
While your introduction states the main idea, it could be clearer and more explicitly state your position on the topic. Consider mentioning specific benefits of a shorter working week directly in your introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's structure is generally logical but can be improved with clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your points.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaboration in your points. For instance, rather than saying 'officers can apply to another course', you might elaborate on what skills could be gained and their potential impact on work.
Task Achievement
When discussing the potential consequences, consider providing specific examples or data to support your claims. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have made good use of transitions like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to differentiate your points, which helps with coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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