Some people say that seeing an ancient objects in a museum can give the public a unique awareness of history. Others say that modern media such as internet provide more effective way for the public to learn about history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With
technololgy
Correct your spelling
technology
evolving and growing in various aspects including
history
mainly museums we are facing a rising argument about whether it is better to see objects in real life or does the media
specificly
Correct your spelling
specifically
the
internet
has already made it easier to access and view
anciant
Correct your spelling
ancient
history
and some say it
also
provides a more knowledgable experience . I think that no matter how much we evolve there will never be a more magnificent experience than going to a museum yourself and inspecting the object face to face .
On the other
hand
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hand,
show examples
some do not see that museums are useful in the modern age of technology as they see that the
internet
has provided an even better
discreptive
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descriptive
overview
each
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of each
show examples
historian
Change noun form
historian's
show examples
piece
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
they believe that the web gives a much easier
discreption
Correct your spelling
description
of the
art
provided . Another point is that the media offers a much
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
show examples
observation of
art
making it easy access to everyone . Back to the other end of the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
which is in my
oponion
Correct your spelling
opinion
the better option at hand
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the adventure of seeing
piece's
Change noun form
pieces
show examples
of
history
with your own eyes . The most important factor of the usual trip to the
museumes
Correct your spelling
museums
museum
is getting to personally inspect each object and really focusing on
intrecate
Correct your spelling
intricate
details of each
piece
that cannot be captured with a simple camera or photo of the
piece
. To
further
elaborate
i
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I
show examples
will give you a brief example of when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
visited the
british
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British
show examples
museuem
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
was hesitant about visiting as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
thought
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
had seen everything on the
internet
but as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
went there
i
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I
show examples
got to see a different side of each
piece
making me speechless after my visit .
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
museums are one of the few useful places left for people to visit
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
is needed in our world
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
the
internet
does in some way make a quick view of
art
faster but nothing beats seeing the sophisticated and detailed pieces of
history
with your own eyes because. simple picture can not describe
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long
history
of each
art
object .
Submitted by aljouri50x50 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a complete response to the task, but the introduction could be clearer in setting up the discussion for both views. Try breaking it into more manageable sentences for clarity and to avoid run-ons.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Although the ideas are connected, the organization can be improved by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between points.
general improvement
Several spelling and grammar errors are present (e.g., "technololgy", "modern media specificly the internet", "each historian piece", "intrecate", "museumes"). Paying attention to these minor details can enhance overall readability and professionalism.
task response
The essay clearly presents both views on the topic and provides a personal opinion, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
task response
The use of a personal example adds depth and relevance to the argument, making it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
There is a visible attempt to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, showing a degree of coherence.
task response
The writer shows a clear, comprehensive understanding of the essay topic and maintains focus on the main argument throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tactile and visual experience
  • immersive
  • curation
  • contextual information
  • interaction
  • tangible
  • emotional experience
  • connection
  • multimedia elements
  • interactive maps
  • virtual tours
  • accessibility
  • diversity of perspectives
  • authoritative validation
  • educational programs
  • collaborative learning
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