IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that seeing an ancient objects in a museum can give the public a unique awareness of history. Others say that modern media such as internet provide more effective way for the public to learn about history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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With
technololgy
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technology
 evolving and growing in various aspects including
history
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 mainly museums we are facing a rising argument about whether it is better to see objects in real life or does the media
specificly
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specifically
 the
internet
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 has already made it easier to access and view
anciant
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ancient
history
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 and some say it
also
Linking Words
 provides a more knowledgable experience . I think that no matter how much we evolve there will never be a more magnificent experience than going to a museum yourself and inspecting the object face to face .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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hand,
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 some do not see that museums are useful in the modern age of technology as they see that the
internet
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 has provided an even better
discreptive
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descriptive
 overview
each
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of each
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historian
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historian's
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piece
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 .
Linking Words
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 they believe that the web gives a much easier
discreption
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description
 of the
art
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 provided . Another point is that the media offers a much
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
show examples
 observation of
art
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 making it easy access to everyone . Back to the other end of the
arguement
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argument
 which is in my
oponion
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opinion
 the better option at hand
Linking Words
that
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apply
show examples
is the adventure of seeing
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piece's
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pieces
show examples
 of
history
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 with your own eyes . The most important factor of the usual trip to the
museumes
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museums
museum
 is getting to personally inspect each object and really focusing on
intrecate
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intricate
 details of each
piece
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 that cannot be captured with a simple camera or photo of the
piece
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 . To
further
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 elaborate
i
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I
show examples
 will give you a brief example of when
i
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I
show examples
 visited the
british
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British
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 museuem
wich
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which
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i
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I
show examples
 was hesitant about visiting as
i
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I
show examples
 thought
i
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I
show examples
 had seen everything on the
internet
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 but as
i
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I
show examples
 went there
i
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I
show examples
 got to see a different side of each
piece
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 making me speechless after my visit .
In
Linking Words
addition
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addition,
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 museums are one of the few useful places left for people to visit
wich
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which
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 is needed in our world
nowdays
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nowadays
show examples
. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 the
internet
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 does in some way make a quick view of
art
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 faster but nothing beats seeing the sophisticated and detailed pieces of
history
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 with your own eyes because. simple picture can not describe
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long
history
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 of each
art
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 object .

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task response
The essay demonstrates a complete response to the task, but the introduction could be clearer in setting up the discussion for both views. Try breaking it into more manageable sentences for clarity and to avoid run-ons.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Although the ideas are connected, the organization can be improved by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between points.
general improvement
Several spelling and grammar errors are present (e.g., "technololgy", "modern media specificly the internet", "each historian piece", "intrecate", "museumes"). Paying attention to these minor details can enhance overall readability and professionalism.
task response
The essay clearly presents both views on the topic and provides a personal opinion, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
task response
The use of a personal example adds depth and relevance to the argument, making it more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
There is a visible attempt to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, showing a degree of coherence.
task response
The writer shows a clear, comprehensive understanding of the essay topic and maintains focus on the main argument throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tactile and visual experience
  • immersive
  • curation
  • contextual information
  • interaction
  • tangible
  • emotional experience
  • connection
  • multimedia elements
  • interactive maps
  • virtual tours
  • accessibility
  • diversity of perspectives
  • authoritative validation
  • educational programs
  • collaborative learning
What to do next:
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