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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
It is generally true and believed that youngsters should do
community
work
 without requiring any amount because it gives benefits to both youth and
society
. I completely agree with
this
 notion as it helps to develop the personality of young children and strengthen the bond of
society
. To commence with, social
work
 is beneficial for
teenagers
 because it
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 their interpersonal skills and they can develop their communication skills which is useful for every job holder.
This
 means that when youngsters do free
work
, they need to help local people which is only possible
due to
 good
communicationskills
Correct your spelling
communication skills
, so they can learn to communicate
as well as
 handle tough situations easily.
For example
, in India, the famous
community
 “Manukhta di Seva” involves members from every age group to serve the message of unity and humanity.
Thus
,
community
work
 can be useful for
teenagers
 in the future for getting a job and they will not have any kind of problem related to handling customers.
In addition
, it has several advantages to
society
.
Firstly
,
society
 will have a majority of people to help poor people which is helpful to problem-solving skills .
Secondly
, the
community
 can strengthen their bond with each other so they can help each other in hard times. In many areas of India,
teenagers
 teach farmers to help simple accounts through computer Excel sheets in day-to-day business
work
. In the end, volunteers can provide knowledge about new technology and other schemes to help poor citizens.
To conclude
, volunteer
work
 is required for
teenagers
' holistic development. At the same time,
society
 can help brotherhood for world peace.
Submitted by komalpreetcheema07 on

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task achievement
While the essay responds to the task and provides a clear stance, the thesis statement could be made slightly more precise to better reflect the content of the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs are relevant and provide some specific examples. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported, but some arguments could be further elaborated for clarity. Adding more specific examples or statistics could help reinforce your points.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure each sentence is clearly structured. Proofreading your essay can help catch these minor mistakes.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents a viewpoint and supports it with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a coherent structure for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay’s arguments are logically structured and follow a clear progression from one idea to the next.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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