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Writing Samples
Band 6

chools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#chools #responsibility #children #junk #food #parent
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Due to
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 the increased prevalence of processed food items among
children
Use synonyms
, health has become one of the gravest global concerns.
While
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 some individuals claim that educational institutes should address
this
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 problem, others believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
this
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 responsibility.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly am of the view that it is
parent
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's primary duty to monitor their
children
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's eating
habits
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 by actively participating in their daily routines.
This
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 essay explores the reasons supporting why a proportion of society renders the issue as the school's responsibility and why the remainder reckons
otherwise
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. On the one hand, very often people think that schools should incorporate health education in
students
Use synonyms
' syllabi. To explain
this
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 idea, since teachers play an influential role in
students
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' lives,
students
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 tend to learn a lot more in classrooms. Having said that, teachers should,
therefore
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, utilise
such
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 opportunities to educate
students
Use synonyms
 about the adverse effects of consuming unhealthy food .
For example
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, had the learning institutes organise seminars on a weekly basis, focusing on ways to abstain from junk food,
students
Use synonyms
 would begin implementing them, which would ultimately improve their lifestyles.
Hence
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, owing to the educationists' impactful personalities, they should harness their potential skill in grooming
children
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's
habits
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.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 are solely in charge of their
children
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's lifestyle. To elaborate on
this
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, not only are
parents
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 aware of their
children
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's practices, but
also
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 are able to observe them throughout the day.
In other words
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, it is obvious that
students
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 spend a larger fraction of their time at home,
due to
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 which they are under
parent
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's surveillance continuously;
consequently
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, they are able to interfere with their
children
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 whenever they opt to eat junk .
For instance
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,
parent
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's involvement and participation in
children
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's lives gives them an insight into the position and the
habits
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 of their
children
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, which allows them to reform and reshape their
children
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accordingly
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.
Thus
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,
parents
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 have authority over their
children
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's eating
habits
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 and should be held responsible for them. In conclusion,
although
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 many people underline the importance of school in promoting a healthy diet, others advocate that
parents
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 provide better nourishment in
this
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 matter.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that
parent
Use synonyms
's dedication and continuous presence are of paramount importance that
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
show examples
 and
reinforce
Wrong verb form
reinforcing
show examples
 offspring's
habits
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. Blended learning can be useful in solving
such
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 problems as well.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a strong response to the task. However, improve the clarity of your ideas and organization. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that main points are distinctly developed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring a logical progression of ideas for better coherence. Transition words can be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Your essay clearly addresses both views and presents a well-founded opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are engaging and relevant, adequately framing the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • gatekeepers
  • nutrition education
  • healthy eating habits
  • substantial part of their day
  • primary caregivers
  • role models
  • well-rounded approach
  • collaborative effort
  • reinforce
  • health implications
  • eating patterns
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