IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #technology #space #exploration
It is a common belief that the cost
comsumed
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combined
on
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with
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improved
Add an article
the improved
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 procedure
the
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of the
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 universe study is not confirmed.
Nevertheless
, some people believe that
this
the
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apply
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coin of investment will be more
benefits
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beneficial
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 if used for other purposes. Personally, I completely agree with the concept of investing in aerospace technology. On the one hand, it is true that investing in technology cannot be ignored, they play quite an important role in today's world.
For example
, funding is needed to explore new lands beyond Earth, its atmosphere, and other planets.
In addition
, developing other technology platforms
such
 as smartphones and electronic devices helps people upgrade their lives.
On the other hand
, when the government focuses on investing in infrastructure
such
 as hospitals, medical equipment, and roads, the quality of people's lives will increase significantly.
In addition
,
devoting
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devotion
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in
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to
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 education helps children have better learning opportunities and more children will be able to attend school. To recapitulate, I truly agree with the view that space exploration should be invested to prosper the economy but it needs cash in with
the
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a
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 suitable amount of money to steer clear of the
economy
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economic
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 wasting.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, you need to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You should strive to develop your ideas more fully. Although you have made some good points, they are not sufficiently elaborated. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your response well.
complete response
You have touched on both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to addressing the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
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