IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #college #university #students #future #career #school #work
While
 some people consider that it is essential to attend higher education before participating in work, on the end of the spectrum, others stand on a different ground, claiming that occupational experience is more important. Studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university allows
students
 to develop fully and be competitive in future careers, and
then
 helps enhance student’s career prospects.
Firstly
, by immersing themselves in a particular discipline,
students
 can gain a comprehensive understanding of its theories, concepts, and methodologies.
This
 depth of knowledge enables them to analyse complex problems, think critically, and contribute to the development of their chosen field.
Secondly
, specialization significantly enhances
students
’ career prospects. In today’s competitive job market, employers often seek individuals with specialized knowledge and skills that align with their organizational needs. By majoring in a specific subject area,
students
 can position themselves as experts in their field, making them more attractive to potential employers.
However
,
students
 can develop their careers through work experience, enabling them to be familiar with underlying regulations in the process of working and build well-developed
abilities
 to be suitable for
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
, including communication, cooperation, and ability for leadership. During work, conversations or presentations are unavoidable with both colleagues and clients which helpfully raise our communication
abilities
.
In addition
, everyone in the team plays different roles and
then
 cooperates together to finish an item which effectively trains our adaptability, leadership, decision-making and various utility skills.
Although
 working enables
students
 to acquire more methodologies and
abilities
 in pursuing a
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
 career path, being professional and with
abundant
Correct article usage
an abundant
show examples
 educational background can allow employees to gain a promotion at a high speed. Working
abilities
 from experience are indeed essential,
however
, professional problem-solving
abilities
 are
also
 fundamental
Submitted by felixdai89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's structure by providing clear topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph consistently follows a single main idea. Avoid diverging from the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas more seamlessly and to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a strong conclusion that summarizes your points and states your position more explicitly, adding to the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide a balanced discussion for both views and include more detailed, pertinent examples to support your viewpoints. This will help you address the task more completely.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully by elaborating on how and why certain points are valid. Use specific examples to raise the level of detail and analysis in your essay.
task achievement
Be more explicit in stating your own opinion and ensure that it is reflected throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to meet the task requirements more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: