Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money

Nowadays,

artists

are given much financial support from authorities,

however

, some argue that it is detrimental to the government's funds and should be used for essential things in

society

This

essay will make the case that

although

finance

artists

will benefit

society

's beauty, governments ought to spend money to support the core occupation that plays a significant role in

society

's development like teachers. On the one hand, arts make our mental lives

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

and beautiful in various ways and raising money for it will give

artists

a huge motivation to keep the cities and streets enjoyable. There are no limitations when it comes to

art

. It crosses all races, sexes, and religious boundaries and the artist is the one who has the ability to perform that job efficiently. If those people have the assistance that they need, they will be able to dedicate their passion and enthusiasm to the job.

For example

, many street

artists

are encouraged to graffiti on the street walls and corners in Ha Noi and by doing so highlight the beauty of the cities and attract a large number of tourists from different countries annually.

However

, I believe that cash provision will be more beneficial if it is used for education.

On the other hand

, government aid should be used to satisfy the salary expectations of important jobs that have a big contribution to

society

Art

might be beneficial at some points, but compared to education, it's inferior in value. Teacher is the person who holds the future of the whole state by nourishing and cultivating the next generation which is children and that's the reason they should be prioritized with financial support above any other jobs. The number of Vietnamese teachers in total has witnessed a dramatic fall of 20% in recent years because of low salaries.

That is

a clear example of why we have to take the educator's needs on top of the list. I strongly agree with

this

idea because without education, the state's collapse is guaranteed and

then

there will be no room for

art

To conclude

, even though

art

can bring us many advantages, the money supporting should be considered to help people whose jobs have a great impact on

society

Submitted by maymocsb on Fri Jul 12 2024

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task achievement

The essay would benefit from a clearer and more precise thesis statement in the introduction. This will help set the stage for the discussion and make your stance more evident from the beginning.

task achievement

Some of the ideas, such as the role of teachers, could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive response.

task achievement

Ensure that your conclusion summarises the main points effectively and succinctly restates your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases to link paragraphs and ideas smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Try to structure your paragraphs so that each one contains a clear main point followed by supporting details or examples. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant and specific examples, such as the case of street artists in Ha Noi. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.

task achievement

Both views are discussed, and you clearly present your own opinion, which is important for fulfilling the task requirements.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are generally supported, making the essay informative and showing a good level of understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical structure with clear paragraphs, which helps in understanding your argument and points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

371 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

promote
culture
creativity
economic growth
tourism
social development
personal development
merit
financial support
balanced
transparent

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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that there are constant traffic jams in many cities around the world. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

In the last few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?