Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays,

artists

are given much financial support from authorities,

however

, some argue that it is detrimental to the government's funds and should be used for essential things in

society

This

essay will make the case that

although

finance

artists

will benefit

society

's beauty, governments ought to spend money to support the core occupation that plays a significant role in

society

's development like teachers. On the one hand, arts make our mental lives

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

and beautiful in various ways and raising money for it will give

artists

a huge motivation to keep the cities and streets enjoyable. There are no limitations when it comes to

art

. It crosses all races, sexes, and religious boundaries and the artist is the one who has the ability to perform that job efficiently. If those people have the assistance that they need, they will be able to dedicate their passion and enthusiasm to the job.

For example

, many street

artists

are encouraged to graffiti on the street walls and corners in Ha Noi and by doing so highlight the beauty of the cities and attract a large number of tourists from different countries annually.

However

, I believe that cash provision will be more beneficial if it is used for education.

On the other hand

, government aid should be used to satisfy the salary expectations of important jobs that have a big contribution to

society

Art

might be beneficial at some points, but compared to education, it's inferior in value. Teacher is the person who holds the future of the whole state by nourishing and cultivating the next generation which is children and that's the reason they should be prioritized with financial support above any other jobs. The number of Vietnamese teachers in total has witnessed a dramatic fall of 20% in recent years because of low salaries.

That is

a clear example of why we have to take the educator's needs on top of the list. I strongly agree with

this

idea because without education, the state's collapse is guaranteed and

then

there will be no room for

art

To conclude

, even though

art

can bring us many advantages, the money supporting should be considered to help people whose jobs have a great impact on

society

Submitted by maymocsb on Fri Jul 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay would benefit from a clearer and more precise thesis statement in the introduction. This will help set the stage for the discussion and make your stance more evident from the beginning.

task achievement

Some of the ideas, such as the role of teachers, could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive response.

task achievement

Ensure that your conclusion summarises the main points effectively and succinctly restates your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases to link paragraphs and ideas smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Try to structure your paragraphs so that each one contains a clear main point followed by supporting details or examples. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant and specific examples, such as the case of street artists in Ha Noi. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.

task achievement

Both views are discussed, and you clearly present your own opinion, which is important for fulfilling the task requirements.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are generally supported, making the essay informative and showing a good level of understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical structure with clear paragraphs, which helps in understanding your argument and points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

371 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

promote
culture
creativity
economic growth
tourism
social development
personal development
merit
financial support
balanced
transparent

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Animal are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?
Animals plays a important part towards human lives wellbeing and ecosystem,most importantly rare species of animals after the extinction the traces cannot be recovered.Its highly argued that some human that we should only preserve the animals who are only helpful to humankind. I disagree as i believe all the species are useful.
7
band
Some people think that testing on animals is necessary for discovering medicine that helps fight diseases, while others believe it is not necessary to test on animals for this reason. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Even though medical equipment and knowledge are developed well, some new diseases are discovered and need to be addressed. For this matter, an argument appears regarding the medicine testing on animals. Some people believe that testing is essential to check the effectiveness while the other group think it is unnecessary. I believe that both opinions have pros and cons, and I stand with the idea of testing medicine on non-human subjects.
5
band
In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Following a vegetarian diet is becoming very popular in some nations. Although without meat it is hard to get the required amount of protein, I believe that the benefits of consuming high fibre and low saturated fat while on this diet far outweigh any drawbacks.
5
band
Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack the interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?
Some of the companies encounter issues with former students who have taken a degree recently because of the fact that they sort of prone to communicate well with other people as well as lack of interpersonal skills. There are a number of reasons for this problem, including lack of experience, but this issue can be solved by a variety of measurements.
5.5
band
Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nuritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
It is generally argued that restaurants ought to mention the nutritional facts of their menue. Although the hotel industry might lose its profitability by disclosing the information regarding nutrition, they will give awareness to masses about mindful eating. In my opinion, disclosed nutrition value on dishes encourages people to make healthy choices of food despite having plenty of options.

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Animal are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that testing on animals is necessary for discovering medicine that helps fight diseases, while others believe it is not necessary to test on animals for this reason. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack the interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nuritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?