IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter •describe the problem with the equipment •explain how this problem is affecting your work •say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #piece #equipment #job #shop #company #•describe #•explain #•say
Dear Sir or Madam, As a long-time customer of your company, I am writing to you to express my complaint about a
device
 which I bought
last
 month. The
device
 is an internet modem and the serial number is 211536431.
This
 has been happening that the
device
 just stuck every four to five hours, and I need to reset it by power,
otherwise
, it will not be operational anymore. So, it became the normal action for the
last
 couple of weeks. I want to mention the most important thing that I have to be online every minute during my working hours.
Due to
 the
device
, I could not complete processes and operations when I was working. It is really risky to uncomplete the operations during the rush hour. I would suggest to you to solve the problem as quickly as possible. I prefer to change it to a new one, but I do not want to wait for a long time. I hope you find the best way to solve the issue. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Eric
Submitted by enkhbat0923 on

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a bit more detail on how you've attempted to solve the problem, such as contacting customer service before writing this letter, to enhance the response completeness.
Coherence & Cohesion
You could improve coherence by linking your points more smoothly. Phrases like 'As a result' or 'Therefore' might help to connect your complaints to your requests more directly.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher coherence score, try to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the issue, your impact, or your request, avoiding overlap between them.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear description of the problem, which makes your letter informative and focused.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your letter logically progresses from introduction, to explaining the problem, to requesting a solution, which supports good coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Your polite tone and formal word choice are appropriate for the situation and audience, contributing positively to the task achievement score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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