IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today’s fast-paced world,
career
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 choices are a major concern for many young
people
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.
While
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 some argue that youth should have the freedom to pursue their passions, others believe it is more important to make pragmatic decisions that ensure a stable
future
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and argue that a balance between passion and practicality is the best approach. It will first explore the benefits of allowing young
people
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 to follow their interests,
then
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 consider the importance of making realistic choices based on
future
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 prospects. On the one hand, allowing young
people
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 to choose their own
career
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 paths promotes creativity and personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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.
For example
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, many successful individuals,
such
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 as entrepreneurs and artists, achieved greatness by following their passions, even when others doubted their decisions. When young
people
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 have the freedom to pursue their interests, they are more likely to be motivated and innovative in their work.
Therefore
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, giving them the liberty to choose their careers can lead to personal satisfaction and societal progress.
On the other hand
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, there is a strong argument for taking a more realistic approach to
career
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 planning, especially given the uncertainties of today’s job market.
For instance
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, pursuing a highly competitive or unstable field,
such
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 as acting or professional sports, may result in financial struggles and limited job opportunities. As
such
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, it is essential for young
people
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 to consider their long-term
future
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 and focus on careers that offer stability and growth. A more pragmatic approach ensures they are prepared for life’s challenges and can secure their financial independence. In conclusion,
while
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 it is important for young
people
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 to have the freedom to explore their passions, it is equally crucial to be realistic about their
future
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career
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 prospects. By balancing personal interests with practical considerations, they can achieve both job satisfaction and financial security. Ultimately, finding
this
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 balance is the key to a fulfilling and stable
career
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.

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task achievement
Your essay is very well-structured and clearly addresses both perspectives of the topic. However, you could enhance the depth of your argument by providing more specific examples and elaborating on them to strengthen your points further.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. This can enhance the flow and ensure that your points are seamlessly connected.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you could incorporate counterarguments and address potential criticisms of each viewpoint. This would showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and provide a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear thesis statement, which sets the stage for your discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, providing a strong closing to your essay.
logical structure
Your essay is logically structured with well-defined paragraphs that are relevant to the task. Each point is supported with clear arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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