IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The picture shows the process of making wool. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#picture #process #wool #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The picture illustrates the process of producing
wool
. There are 12 steps that can be divided
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 3 main stages: collecting
fur
, manufacturing raw materials and finishing the final products. At
first,
the
workers
 collect
fur
 from the
sheeps
Correct your spelling
sheep
show examples
 that they are
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 enough and their
fur
 is thick and suitable. After that, those raw materials are sheared and cleaned to remove the dirt and bacteria.
Next,
the
workers
 bring the wet
fur
 into a drying machine to make it ready for the next step. At the final of manufacturing
wool
, the dried
fur
 is carded in a machine,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 discarded string from
this
 step will be recycled. After having the
wool
,
workers
 make those
wool
 into turfs and send them to storage to start the process of making the final products. At the beginning of
finishing
Correct article usage
the finishing
show examples
 stage, turfs of
wool
 are spun
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 balls of yarn, which are the most familiar shape of
wool
, and those balls can be used for 2 purposes. They can be sold to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers who love knitting or the
workers
 use them to make
jacket
Fix the agreement mistake
jackets
show examples
,
carpet
Fix the agreement mistake
carpets
show examples
…
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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tense consistency
Ensure the use of consistent tenses throughout the essay. For instance, 'from the sheeps that they are matured enough' can be improved to 'from the mature sheep with thick fur.'
conclusion
Provide a clear and concise conclusion or reinforce the final stage succinctly to wrap up the essay effectively.
clarification
It's beneficial to elaborate slightly more on the differentiation between stages within the production process for added clarity.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear division of the wool production process into three main stages.
description clarity
Each step of the wool production process is logically described, which makes understanding the sequence easier for the reader.
vocabulary
The use of specific terminology like 'carded,' 'turfs,' and 'balls of yarn' demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shearing
  • raw material
  • cleaning process
  • dirt and impurities
  • suitable for further processing
  • dried
  • moisture
  • carded
  • disentangling
  • fibers
  • continuous strand
  • sliver
  • spun into yarn
  • stronger and more workable material
  • dyed
  • woven or knitted
  • end products
  • fabrics
  • garments
  • woolen goods
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