IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #tax
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Paying
taxes
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 to the
government
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 has become a controversial topic in the present day, with the idea that citizens should hold all their remuneration for themselves. Other
people
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, including myself, totally disagree with
this
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 perspective
due to
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 various critical drawbacks, which will be proved in
this
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 essay. First of all,
taxes
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 are essential for the benefit of the community and individuals,
thus
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, paying
taxes
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 is considered the responsibility of each person to financially support and share the burden with the
government
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, which plays a pivotal role in serving residents through various aspects,
such
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 as the medical system and the national economy. Take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example, thanks to the
government
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 allocating its budget, which accumulated for years from tariff revenue, to invest in new medical treatments and buy vaccinations to prevent the disease. If individuals kept all their earnings, the
quality
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 of
life
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 would suffer, as the
government
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 has lessened its capacity to protect its inhabitants. By the same token, the citizens’ tax is
also
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 a driving force for the
government
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 to invest in infrastructure and the economy to develop the general implementation of the country, laying the foundation for a thriving future when
people
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 can have a better
quality
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 of
life
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. The drawbacks of not spending tax on the state may not be overlooked, namely income inequality and social discrimination, which spell trouble for not only individuals but
also
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 the whole country.
For example
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, when some higher-income earners refuse to pay a part of their income to equally allocate to the less fortunate, it may result in a gap expansion between walks of
life
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.
As a result
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, the issue of discrimination will surge, taking a heavy toll on social justice and reducing its
quality
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 for
people
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. More and more
people
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 may be suffering from a lack of food, education, and standard
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life
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of life
show examples
quality
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, which is to blame as the main culprit for an increase in illegal
behaviors
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behaviours
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 and offenders.
Overall
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, allowing
people
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 to retain all their finances may result in various detrimental impacts, which could not ensure that everyone has equal access to an equal
life
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. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of
people
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 who are not willing to pay
taxes
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 to support the
government
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 and enhance their own lives in the long run, as some rationales have mentioned.
Submitted by thanhtu.thcsbt on

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clarity
To enhance clarity, consider simplifying the language slightly. While the vocabulary used is impressive, overly complex sentences may sometimes hinder easy comprehension.
task achievement
Ensure you avoid redundancy. For instance, the conclusion restates ideas without adding new insights. This space can be used to reinforce the essay’s key points concisely.
cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, using more varied conjunctions and cohesive devices will further improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic by disagreeing with the notion that individuals should keep all their money without paying taxes.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as citing the government’s role during the COVID-19 pandemic, which strengthens the argument.
coherence
Coherence is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph logically transitioning to the next, contributing to a structured and well-organized argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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