Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #theses #people #governments #money

Public

celebrations

like national days, festivals, etc are held in many countries. Because of that, people argue that governments should expend

money

on more valuable things and

celebrations

like these are quite

pricely

Correct your spelling

pricey

Change preposition

From

show examples

my perspective, I am on

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both sides. I will discuss it

Change preposition

show examples

this

essay. First

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

first,

national

celebrations

in a

country

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

still important. No matter

what

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

how expensive the celebration is. As long as the

government

can manage the budgeting. In my own

country

, there are a lot of

celebrations

, either national or

provinces

Replace the word

provincial

show examples

level. Every

celebrations

Change to a singular noun

celebration

show examples

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

its own meaning.

For example

, on

heroes

Capitalize word

Heroes

show examples

independence

Correct your spelling

Independence Day

show examples

day

, the

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

will learn the history of their

country

. By that, they will have a high respect and sense of nationalism. Is not it a good thing

Change the punctuation

show examples

Another example is Nyepi's

day

Change preposition

show examples

this

day

, electricity is not allowed and stay at home

Change preposition

for

show examples

the whole

day

. The result is good for air

pollutions

Fix the agreement mistake

pollution

show examples

. People may

concern

Wrong verb form

be concerned

show examples

about the

money

. But, the

money

direct

Replace the word

directed

show examples

held

Wrong verb form

hold

show examples

celebrations

which young generations must continue in the future. I agree that the

government

should spend the

money

Change preposition

show examples

more important things.

However

this

Change the determiner

this celebration

these celebrations

show examples

celebrations

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

important. In

this

case, I believe the

government

has

divide

Change the verb form

divided

show examples

the finance for all of the

country

's needs. The

celebrations

like these

is only happen

Change the verb form

only happen

show examples

once a year. So, there is nothing wrong

to feel

Change preposition

with feeling

show examples

the euphoria of the

celebrations

For instance

, on

independence

Correct your spelling

Independence Day

show examples

day

in Indonesia, people feel overjoyed because they can participate to join many competitions to celebrate it.

To conclude

, the

government

can still use the

money

on valuable things

while

celebrate

Change the verb form

celebrating

show examples

the national

celebrations

Celebrations

like these have good impacts

Change preposition

show examples

everyone.

Submitted by wishmeluck on Sat Jul 13 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. Although you mention you are 'on both sides,' your stance could be more explicit.

task achievement

Work on the clarity and structure of your arguments. Some points are not fully expanded or clearly linked to the essay question. Develop each point with more detail to enhance comprehension.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Although they do not drastically reduce your score, they can affect readability. Proofreading can help identify and correct these issues.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both perspectives on the issue, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

task achievement

Examples like Nyepi's day and Independence Day in Indonesia effectively support your points and add depth to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural heritage
economic boost
local economies
social cohesion
national unity
educational value
government spending
public services
healthcare
infrastructure
balanced approach
national identity
community
tourists
social harmony
historical significance
younger generation

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Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. what are the reasons for this? how can people research this.

Some are of the opinion that people are naturally born as good leaders while others feel that leadership skills can be learned. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.