Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?
Public
celebrations
like national days, festivals, etc are held in many countries. Because of that, people argue that governments should expend money
on more valuable things and celebrations
like these are quite pricely
. Correct your spelling
pricey
In
my perspective, I am on Change preposition
From
the
both sides. I will discuss it Remove the article
apply
on
Change preposition
in
this
essay.
First thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
first,
national celebrations
in a country
is
still important. No matter Correct subject-verb agreement
are
what
how expensive the celebration is. As long as the Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
can manage the budgeting. In my own country
, there are a lot of celebrations
, either national or provinces
level. Every Replace the word
provincial
celebrations
Change to a singular noun
celebration
have
its own meaning. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
For example
, on heroes
or Capitalize word
Heroes
independence
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
day
, the citizen
will learn the history of their Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
country
. By that, they will have a high respect and sense of nationalism. Is not it a good thing?.
Another example is Nyepi's Change the punctuation
?
day
. In
Change preposition
On
this
day
, electricity is not allowed and stay at home on
the whole Change preposition
for
day
. The result is good for air pollutions
.
People may Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
concern
about the Wrong verb form
be concerned
money
. But, the money
is direct
to Replace the word
directed
held
Wrong verb form
hold
celebrations
which young generations must continue in the future. I agree that the government
should spend the money
to
more important things. Change preposition
on
However
, this
Change the determiner
this celebration
these celebrations
celebrations
also
important. In Add a missing verb
are also
this
case, I believe the government
has divide
the finance for all of the Change the verb form
divided
country
's needs. The celebrations
like these is only happen
once a year. So, there is nothing wrong Change the verb form
only happen
to feel
the euphoria of the Change preposition
with feeling
celebrations
. For instance
, on independence
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
day
in Indonesia, people feel overjoyed because they can participate to join many competitions to celebrate it.
To conclude
, the government
can still use the money
on valuable things while
celebrate
the national Change the verb form
celebrating
celebrations
. Celebrations
like these have good impacts to
everyone.Change preposition
on
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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. Although you mention you are 'on both sides,' your stance could be more explicit.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and structure of your arguments. Some points are not fully expanded or clearly linked to the essay question. Develop each point with more detail to enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Although they do not drastically reduce your score, they can affect readability. Proofreading can help identify and correct these issues.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the issue, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Examples like Nyepi's day and Independence Day in Indonesia effectively support your points and add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.