Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

Public
celebrations
like national days, festivals, etc are held in many countries. Because of that, people argue that governments should expend
money
on more valuable things and
celebrations
like these are quite
pricely
Correct your spelling
pricey
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
my perspective, I am on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides. I will discuss it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
essay. First
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
first,
national
celebrations
in a
country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
still important. No matter
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how expensive the celebration is. As long as the
government
can manage the budgeting. In my own
country
, there are a lot of
celebrations
, either national or
provinces
Replace the word
provincial
show examples
level. Every
celebrations
Change to a singular noun
celebration
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
its own meaning.
For example
, on
heroes
Capitalize word
Heroes
show examples
or
independence
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
show examples
day
, the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
will learn the history of their
country
. By that, they will have a high respect and sense of nationalism. Is not it a good thing
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Another example is Nyepi's
day
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
day
, electricity is not allowed and stay at home
on
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for
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the whole
day
. The result is good for air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. People may
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
about the
money
. But, the
money
is
direct
Replace the word
directed
show examples
to
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
celebrations
which young generations must continue in the future. I agree that the
government
should spend the
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
more important things.
However
,
this
Change the determiner
this celebration
these celebrations
show examples
celebrations
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
important. In
this
case, I believe the
government
has
divide
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divided
show examples
the finance for all of the
country
's needs. The
celebrations
like these
is only happen
Change the verb form
only happen
show examples
once a year. So, there is nothing wrong
to feel
Change preposition
with feeling
show examples
the euphoria of the
celebrations
.
For instance
, on
independence
Correct your spelling
Independence Day
show examples
day
in Indonesia, people feel overjoyed because they can participate to join many competitions to celebrate it.
To conclude
, the
government
can still use the
money
on valuable things
while
celebrate
Change the verb form
celebrating
show examples
the national
celebrations
.
Celebrations
like these have good impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
everyone.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. Although you mention you are 'on both sides,' your stance could be more explicit.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and structure of your arguments. Some points are not fully expanded or clearly linked to the essay question. Develop each point with more detail to enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Although they do not drastically reduce your score, they can affect readability. Proofreading can help identify and correct these issues.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the issue, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Examples like Nyepi's day and Independence Day in Indonesia effectively support your points and add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • economic boost
  • local economies
  • social cohesion
  • national unity
  • educational value
  • government spending
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • national identity
  • community
  • tourists
  • social harmony
  • historical significance
  • younger generation
What to do next:
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