IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people support modern developments in agriculture such as factory farming and creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. However, other people oppose this view. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Emergence
Add an article
The emergence
show examples
 of genetically modified products is one of the most influential inventions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology. Albeit proponents of genetic farming cite its benefits, detractors advocate for its plausible detrimental effects on the ecosystem.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I opine that factory farming is of paramount importance owing to its potentiality and cost-effectiveness. On the one hand, factory farming produces crops that are affordable and accessible for everyone.
In other words
Linking Words
, since a smaller number of scientists inhabit farming factories compared to farmers, the downsized workforce fosters
pocket-friendliness
Correct article usage
the pocket-friendliness
show examples
 of these
food
Use synonyms
 items.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as these
food
Use synonyms
 products are manufactured merely by combining cellular
mixture
Fix the agreement mistake
mixtures
show examples
 acquired from various families of
plants
Use synonyms
, their production occurs in surplus.
For instance
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
 items,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fruits, vegetables, grains, and pulses, are cheap
as well as
Linking Words
 readily available for consumers in the regions where genetic farming practices are employed.
Thus
Linking Words
, modernization of the agriculture sector begets enhanced consumerism, which is advantageous for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketers
as well as
Linking Words
 communities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, genetically altered
food
Use synonyms
 may jeopardize ecosystems. To elaborate on
this
Linking Words
, not only do modified crops repel insects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 resist predators from approaching them.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, natural habitats may deteriorate
due to
Linking Words
 the disruption of the
food
Use synonyms
 chains. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
 idea, were predators,
such
Linking Words
 as insects and animals, who solely survive on
plants
Use synonyms
, not able to consume or seek shelter in
plants
Use synonyms
 because of their resistant qualities, they would eventually become endangered, which may disturb the remaining elements of the
food
Use synonyms
 chain.
Hence
Linking Words
, the repellant features of these genetically engineered
plants
Use synonyms
 may cause obvious threats to ecosystems. In conclusion, admittedly, there are some downsides to genetic farming, in which endangerment of
food
Use synonyms
 chains stands out the most ,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the significance of genetic farming is indispensable. In my perspective, it is imperative to integrate
this
Linking Words
 innovation in agricultural sectors as it acquires the potential to enhance the financial prospects of countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to improve flow between paragraphs, such as 'However,' 'On the contrary,' etc.
task achievement
Though your examples are solid, try to ensure they are clearly connected to the main points they support.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is concise yet informative, clearly setting the stage for both sides of the argument.
complete response
The essay discusses both viewpoints effectively and provides a reasonable conclusion with your opinion.
relevant specific examples
The use of examples related to affordability and ecosystem impact adds significant value to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • factory farming
  • genetic modification
  • sustainability
  • biodiversity
  • economic growth
  • animal welfare
  • food accessibility
  • high productivity
  • cramped living conditions
  • health risks
  • ecological imbalances
  • pest resistance
  • ethical issues
  • crop yields
  • environmental conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: