Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Some people believe that this is an illness and should be treated medically. Others feel that this is only a result of unhealthy habits and it is sport that must help. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

Extra weight among children has become a widespread problem in different parts of the world. Some consider overweightness a medical disease and insist on medical treatment,
while
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others think
this
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is just a lack of willpower and discipline. Personally, I support the second statement and firmly believe that sport can help. Childhood obesity is caused by the mass production of unhealthy food. Every grocery shop is filled with goods containing enormous quantities of fats and carbohydrates. Excessive consumption of
this
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food leads to unbalanced nutrition and sugar addiction. Even in many educational institutions,
this
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type of food is served as meals in local buffets.
Moreover
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, modern youngsters tend to spend more time in the virtual world rather than in real life. They play computer games and watch films,
while
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face-to-face meetings are being exchanged for video calls and text messages.
This
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is why they have started to have less physical activity, which has led to a movement deficit.
Furthermore
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, movement deficit and a junk-food diet create a perfect tandem, which has resulted in
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
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growth of obesity.
However
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, it can be solved easily
: parents
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. Parents
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should encourage their children to start exercising,
while
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the government has to create infrastructure for active entertainment and implement reforms in the educational system by extending time for physical education and creating a healthier diet for students.
On the other hand
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, there are some exceptions,
such
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as people with an innate hormonal imbalance.
This
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type of person requires a specific medical approach. They have to be treated clinically because they are not lazy or
unorganized
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unorganised
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— they are ill.
Therefore
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, doctors must provide hormonal therapy for them. In conclusion,
overweightness
Correct your spelling
overweight
among minors has become a serious problem
due to
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modern lifestyle trends.
However
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, there is a distinct group of people who are born with hormonal imbalances, and their obesity is caused by medical conditions. Except for
this
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specific group, the problem can be solved by promoting a healthy lifestyle and encouraging mass participation in sports activities.

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task response
Task response: You answer the task and share your view. To get a higher score, add more full talk on both sides and give clear, precise examples.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use a clear plan. Start with a simple intro, end with a clear conclusion, and keep each paragraph on one main idea. Use linking words to show order.
strength
The essay has a clear view and a closing paragraph.
strength
There is a plan and some links between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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