New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?
In the Contemporary era, technology has gained a marvel of progress and sophistication that can affect any generation. It is widely speculated that those alterations in technology have overwhelming influences on the leisure
time
behaviour of kids
. Although
this
issue has both pros and cons, I believe that the drawbacks of that are more significant than the benefits and my stance on this
will be explained in the following paragraphs.
Indisputably, it is commonly believed that the younger generation must possess ample literacy regarding new technologies. Usually,the often usage of such
devices and technologies has myriad
of advantages. Particularly, these technologies will help in enhancing soft skills like fine motor activities and Add an article
a myriad
also
creativity. For example
, the research findings reveal that the children who are used to watching educational videos in
YouTube have much general knowledge in many fields when compared to others. In the same Change preposition
on
way
playing some kinds of video games may provide inevitable opportunities in gaining the creativity and rapid reflexive abilities of students.
Add a comma
way,
On the other hand
, although
spending time
on technology has created a plethora of advantages, there is a wide array of disadvantages associated with it. Primarily, the excessive time
that is
allocated for the use of such
devices is a
futile andChange the article
apply
that
can be dedicated Correct determiner usage
apply
for
purposeful educational activities.Change preposition
to
In addition
, getting addicted to their frequent usage of
has opened a gate for many unfavourable outcomes. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, misleading advice and messages conveyed by the videos and advertisements, replication of fake characters and efforts to mimic them can cause unexpected results. Furthermore
, spending more duration on them may build up passive characters who are poor in
maintaining communication with Change preposition
at
the
others.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, it is conspicuous that behaving with the new advents is a pivotal aspect for the youngers which may be a
paramount for them. But, just as the importance of it, Change the article
apply
due to
the more prominent negative impacts, they should be engaged in other physical activities too during leisure time
.Submitted by oriexam6 on
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Language Advice
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and fluid. For example: 'the often usage of such devices' should be 'the frequent usage of such devices'.
Language Advice
Try to use more varied and accurate vocabulary to make your argument more compelling.
Structure Advice
While your main points are clear, ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences that align closely with the main argument.
Content Advice
Try to develop ideas more fully and provide additional examples or evidence to support your points.
Content Highlight
You have a good understanding of the question and have addressed both advantages and disadvantages clearly.
Structure Highlight
The essay is generally coherent with a logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion.
Content Highlight
You provide relevant specific examples, which helps to illustrate your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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