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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#sports #athletes #substances #performance
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In sports culture, there is a constant pressure of performance and in recent years it has been observed that many
athletes
 consume banned substances to enhance their performance to win. To solve
this
 issue, it is necessary to establish measures
such
 as
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
 of mental health and restrictive laws on illegal substances.
To begin
 with, proponents of the consumption of illegal drugs are observed to be beneficial for
athletes
 as they provide an instant boost to their energy. Sports practises are commonly associated with health, but when practised professionally
athletes
 face constant pressure to present winning results.
Hence
, exhausting training requires supplements to keep up with the routine.
Additionally
, in some sports
such
 as CrossFit and bodybuilding, they use supplements to improve performance,
as a result
, there is a rise in the number of sportive people using banned substances.
On the contrary
, scientists have created healthier alternatives that are safe for
athletes
, and banned products promise faster results;
However
, they can be strongly detrimental to humans. To deal with
this
 issue, the government should take some serious steps, involving restrictive laws on illegal supplements and awareness of the side effects of these products.
Moreover
, there should be debates and awareness on these issues and the drawbacks of consumption.
To conclude
, from the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe that the constant pressure of winning can be exhausting for
athletes
;
However
, they should follow a healthier approach and lifestyles, and there should be proper awareness of the disadvantages of restrictive drugs.
Submitted by somynarain12 on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that every claim is backed by clear, specific examples to increase the persuasive quality of your essay. It's essential not just to assert that supplements are used, but to provide examples or data when possible.
logical structure
Consider adding a few more transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow between points. This can enhance the overall logical structure of your essay.
complete response
Expand on the solutions section. Provide a few more concrete steps or suggestions to deal with the issue of banned substances in sports.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both the causes and solutions effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both strong and capture the main points of the essay neatly.
supported main points
You have articulated the reasons behind athletes using banned substances well and touched upon key issues such as the pressure of performance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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