Some people say schools should be responsible for teaching young adults to look after their health, others think this is not the responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a general consensus that health is key to a good
life
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, some people believe that the requirement of taking care of oneself should be taught at school Linking Words
whereas
others believe the topic is not academic and so not a teaching subject. I believe there is a shared responsibility by various guardians of Linking Words
children
to ensure they understand the importance of a healthy lifestyle.
Schools are the main source of education for minors under the age of 16 years. They are taught other Use synonyms
life
skills, Use synonyms
such
as navigating Microsoft software, so why would learning about health be any different? Linking Words
For example
, schoolchildren are taught how to code and use different software from a very young age, since it is integral to their future. Whether or not the child chooses a career in programming, they will have the understanding to troubleshoot if required. Linking Words
Consequently
, Linking Words
this
concept should Linking Words
also
be applied to teaching Linking Words
children
about living a healthy Use synonyms
life
, as without it Use synonyms
children
end up developing unhealthy Use synonyms
habits
resulting in diseases like obesity.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, schools are not the only source of information. Parents are responsible for passing on good Linking Words
habits
to their Use synonyms
children
. Essentially, the topic is not academic, Use synonyms
instead
, it is more of an experience and Linking Words
hence
should be shown at home to allow Linking Words
children
to emulate it. Use synonyms
For instance
, there are many Linking Words
life
skills that are developed at home, like washing the dishes or doing laundry. In Use synonyms
this
way, showing Linking Words
children
how to be healthy is Use synonyms
also
something that can be done at home. Without Linking Words
this
positive guidance, Linking Words
children
tend to form the bad Use synonyms
habits
that they see, like smoking or eating junk food, which can lead to illnesses like cancer.
In conclusion, there are many methods to influence Use synonyms
children
into developing healthy Use synonyms
habits
and so the responsibility is not entirely on the shoulders of the teachers. I believe for a better future, all guardians must play their part in helping Use synonyms
children
develop a healthy lifestyle.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the context well, but consider elaborating a bit more on your personal stance in the thesis statement. This can help set a more definitive tone for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next. While your points are relevant, adding transitional phrases can improve the flow and coherence.
task achievement
The examples provided are pertinent, but adding more specific details or statistics can make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Very clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion. They effectively frame and summarize the essay's main points.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points. They help in making your arguments more concrete and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident. Each paragraph builds on your overall argument, making it easy to follow.