IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many believe that high schools should include free social work as part of their obligatory programs,
such
Linking Words
 as doing charity work, enhancing the neighbourhood’s quality, or giving lessons on sports to younger children.
This
Linking Words
 essay supports that unpaid public
service
Use synonyms
 deserves to be made compulsory in high schools, particularly because it boosts
students
Use synonyms
’ teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
 and directs them to be involved in positive
activities
Use synonyms
. The prime benefit of requiring community
service
Use synonyms
 for high school pupils is that public
service
Use synonyms
 will boost the youth's soft
skills
Use synonyms
, specifically teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
. It is because, for the purpose of the social work being delivered,
students
Use synonyms
 will be working as a team with persons of varying backgrounds and personalities.
For example
Linking Words
, during a charity program called Free Meals NYC, that opens for
students
Use synonyms
' participation, volunteers will be teaming up with cooks, delivery men, and fellow volunteers. Community
service
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 drives
students
Use synonyms
 to be involved in positive
activities
Use synonyms
, rather than
activities
Use synonyms
 that have negative impacts.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that high school pupils are given a lot of free time
besides
Linking Words
 the time utilized for their study, if not taught to spend their time in positive ways, the youths would be drawn to negative endeavours involving violence and abuse. A report says that ever since New Jersey's high schools have made public
service
Use synonyms
 a compulsory subject, rebellious
activities
Use synonyms
 accomplished by
students
Use synonyms
 have decreased by 30%. In conclusion, the benefits of boosting teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
 and driving
students
Use synonyms
 to positive pastimes, made public
service
Use synonyms
 worth being an obligatory part of the high school curriculum.
Submitted by annzhr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your introduction is clear and succinct, establishing your position effectively. However, you may benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
complete response
The essay introduces relevant examples that enhance your arguments, but consider addressing a potential counter-argument to provide a more balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are mostly clear, there’s room to improve clarity by simplifying some sentences. For example, 'given lessons on sports to younger children' could be changed to 'teaching sports to younger children.'
logical structure
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For example, use clear transitions such as 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' to link your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
relevant specific examples
You have utilized relevant and specific examples which support your main points well, such as the Free Meals NYC program and the New Jersey high school report.
complete response
The essay comprehensively addresses the task, covering the main aspects of the topic with well-supported points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: