IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show changes in student enrolment by degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000.

The charts below show changes in student enrolment by degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts show
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how students’
enrolment
Use synonyms
 by
degree
Use synonyms
 changed at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000. One notable observation is the significant prevalence of Bachelor’s
degree
Use synonyms
, with reaching 76% in 1980.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by
Correct article usage
an Associated
show examples
Associated
Replace the word
associate
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 (13%), Master’s
degree
Use synonyms
 (9%), and doctoral
degree
Use synonyms
 (2%). These figures demonstrate that the variety of
enrolment
Use synonyms
 of students was not seen in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, in 2000, the trend was substantially changed.
While
Linking Words
 students’
enrolment
Use synonyms
 in
Bachelors’
Fix the agreement mistake
Bachelor’
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 decreased dramatically, students’
enrolment
Use synonyms
 in other degrees surged. The percentage of
enrolment
Use synonyms
 in Bachelor’s
degree
Use synonyms
 halved by 42%, but the proportion of
enrolment
Use synonyms
 in Master’s
degree
Use synonyms
 almost quadrupled by 35%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Associated
Replace the word
associate
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 increased to 18% and those of doctoral
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 over doubled, with a figure of 5%.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the Bachelor’s
degree
Use synonyms
 experienced a striking decline in
enrolment
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
other
Correct word choice
while other
show examples
 types of degrees including Master’s
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
, Associate
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
, and Doctoral
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 soared, making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more diversity in
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
enrolment
Use synonyms
 at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in Canada.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words enrolment, degree with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: