Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

Many young individuals are indifferent to monetary education ,
although
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this
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skill and knowledge are essential and should be incorporated into educational programmes in school. Even though it might be quite challenging for children to understand finance, I firmly agree with
this
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stance as instilling
such
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skills
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enables people to become significantly independent and provides numerous advantages later in their lives.
Firstly
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, having monetary lessons at an early stage offers them a variety of social
skills
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,
such
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as critical-thinking
skills
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and problem-solving
skills
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. These capabilities can positively affect their thoughts to consider their financial situations
as well as
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their behaviour in their future.
For example
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,
according to
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a 2022 opinion poll conducted by the Japanese government, 85% of residents in their twenties, living apart from their families, have reported possessing sufficient savings.
This
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is because 95% of Japanese high schools have monetary lessons as a part of their complementary curricula.
Moreover
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, educational institutions can play a more effective role in educating individuals than parents. One plausible reason is that schools provide you with a wide range of knowledge, including the monetary system and world economics ,
in addition
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to the value of money. These practical
skills
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are considerably advantageous in their future professions. In China, 90% of prestigious universities require students to take finance at least twice in their college lives, leading a majority of them to become CEO of famous trade companies. In conclusion, there are very few adolescents with financial education , even though gaining knowledge and
skills
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associated with finance is pivotal for our lives. I completely concur with
this
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viewpoint because of the potential possibility of becoming financially reliable and because of the possible expansion of the future career.

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task response
Your stance on the topic is clear. Some ideas are not linked well to the main point. Improve the link from one idea to the next.
linguistic
Some sentences are long or not simple. Use short, clear lines.
examples
Add more real examples and explain how they show your point.
grammar
Check word choice and grammar, like 'monetary' and awkward phrases. Use plain words.
structure
End with a short summary that restates your view and the main ideas.
content
Clear view on money lesson in school.
coherence
Good use of linking words to show order.
evidence
Some strong points with examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • fiscal responsibility
  • money management
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • adult population
  • financial decisions
  • educational systems
  • theoretical curriculum
  • practical life skills
  • real-life experience
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