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Band 7.5

Schools should concentrate on teaching students, the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #subjects #future #careers #music #sports
It has been believed that
students
 should be taught only theoretical subjects like mathematics, and science, rather than extra-curricular
activities
 at school. In my opinion sports and other extracurricular
activities
, play a crucial role in building the character of the learner and they should be mandatory in school. First of all, multitasking enhances the cognitive skills and productivity of an individual. To illustrate, the common phrase of Western countries says that," All work no play, Makes Jack a dull boy. By that it means, paying equal attention to play and other skills can be helpful to anyone in the future for sure. It is indeed true that physical sports need good health,
thus
 it encourages
students
 to be fit as a fiddle, compared to those complex mathematics formulas that will be useless for 60% of schoolgoers.
Moreover
, curricular
activities
 can bring several opportunities to the
students
.
In other words
, there are plenty of successful singers, dancers, and athletes had been set a great epitome for
this
.
For example
, Virat Kohli who is a famous cricketer from India recently stated in an interview on a news channel that if I had never joined a school cricket team, no one would have known about me. And
that is
 how he showed a new career option to the youth. In conclusion, in my point of view,
students
 are at a disadvantage, if their schools have not allowed
such
 practices on campus. Sports and other curricular
activities
 add that spice and charm to the bookish knowledge.
Submitted by pateldhruvi038 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement in the introduction to outline the stance more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating examples more smoothly into the body paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Avoid overly informal language and clichés in formal writing. For instance, phrases like "fit as a fiddle" can be substituted with "physically fit".
task achievement
When stating statistics or facts, ensure they are accurate and not exaggerated, enhancing credibility.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the main points of the debate, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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