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In our modern society, some individuals believe that plants and animals that are endangered or extinct are the main cause of environmental problems. While others argue that there are more environmental issues of paramount importance. In my opinion, I will

#society #individuals #plants #animals #importance
In our modern society, some individuals believe that
plants
 and
animals
 that are endangered or extinct are the main cause of environmental
problems
.
While
 others argue that there are more environmental issues of paramount importance. In my opinion, I will On the one hand, the
loss
 of
plants
 and
animals
 is one of the main causes of environmental
problems
 and leads to a number of detrimental effects. Around the world,
people
 cut down trees in order to build buildings or even industrial parks, so there will not be enough trees to support individuals in producing oxygen and preventing flood flow.
Moreover
,
animals
 that are on the brink of extinction are still hunted by
people
 to serve their needs.
For instance
, humans kill tigers because they want to take their skin and make items
such
 as wallets,
belts
Correct word choice
and belts
show examples
.
However
,
people
 do not know that killing tigers not only brings them to extinction earlier but
also
 makes it hard to control the population of ecosystems because tigers are predators and they help to balance the population of species.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of
problems
 that we need to tackle, not just the
loss
 of
animals
 and
plants
. Those issues, which include pollution and climate change, are the main factors that cause environmental
problems
 and the
loss
 of habitats. Take water pollution as an example,
people
 tend to throw trash into the river, or even the sea.
This
 will not only affect the whole aquatic environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 pollute the water sources, so more and more
people
 around the world will not have clear water to serve their personal needs. As regards climate change, some
problems
,
such
 as melting ice, will lead to an increase in sea level and make several cities flood. In conclusion,
while
 I accept the view of
people
 who argue that the main
problems
 that lead to environmental
problems
 are the
loss
 of
animals
 and
plants
, I still believe that there are plenty of other
problems
 that we need to notice.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
While your essay covers the main points of the discussion well, it is important to state your own opinion explicitly. Complete the sentence in the introduction where you intended to give your opinion to make it clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically progresses from one idea to the next, but the introduction could be a bit more polished. Specifically, clearly state your own position after presenting the two viewpoints.
task achievement
While you provide specific examples to back up your points, they could benefit from a bit more detail and clarity. For instance, explaining how polluted water sources affect various aspects of daily life would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is strong. You effectively use paragraphs to separate different points, making it easy to follow your argument.

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