IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the issue that schools should replace
books
Use synonyms
 with films, computers and games has gained significant attention. In my point of view, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
Linking Words
 idea. There are justifiable reasons to note that reading
books
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 develop critical thinking skills. Chief of
this
Linking Words
 is that when
students
Use synonyms
 read, they are forced to focus, analyze, and process information, which in turn trains our ability to think logically,
critically
Correct word choice
and critically
show examples
, and solve problems.
This
Linking Words
 process of critical thinking is essential for success in school, in the workplace, and in life.
For example
Linking Words
, a well-known example of
this
Linking Words
 would be Huckleberry Finn, a
19th century
Add a hyphen
19th-century
show examples
 novel by Mark Twain that most American high school
students
Use synonyms
 must read. Reading
such
Linking Words
 an old novel requires
students
Use synonyms
 to engage their mental faculties more actively.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
books
Use synonyms
 bring many values ​​to
students
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modern media
such
Linking Words
 as films and computers will stimulate
students
Use synonyms
' interest in learning. Added to
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that lecturers can effectively capture
students
Use synonyms
' attention, spark their curiosity, and enhance their learning experience by incorporating videos, movies, and interactive activities into lectures, especially for those who struggle with traditional textbook-based learning.
For instance
Linking Words
, learning history solely from textbooks can be tedious for
students
Use synonyms
, but incorporating documentaries and interactive quizzes can enhance engagement and make the subject more accessible and enjoyable.
Hence
Linking Words
, utilizing movies, videos, or games in education can foster student interest and enthusiasm for learning. In conclusion, using films, computers, or games in schools to make learning more engaging for
students
Use synonyms
 is a positive development, but
books
Use synonyms
 should not be completely replaced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have made a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, to improve further, it is important to explicitly address counterarguments or present a more balanced view to reflect on possible limitations or challenges of relying solely on modern media in education.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of 'Huckleberry Finn' and the use of documentaries in learning history.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs that separate different points and ideas effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: