IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #event #country
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There is a debate over whether hosting a worldwide sports
event
 is good for the
country
 or not, with some arguing that it would be beneficial to the economy of the
country
 as the number of
people
 visiting the
country
 increases and others suggesting that it can be negative
due to
 impacts on the environment.
Although
 there are arguments justifying the former idea, I believe that
people
 should be most concerned about the environment.  At the outset, organizing a global sports
event
 is argued to be useful as it can be a trigger for an economic boost.
This
 implies that the government of the
country
 can attract more
people
 and earn more because most
people
, in the world, may want to attend
such
 kinds of occasions. More precisely, the authorities can make a huge amount of money as tourists can visit museums or historical places during the tour; they may buy local crafts and antiques as a means of memorial or even spending by spectators; and investments from sponsors and media can contribute to the profit.
As a result
, absolutely,
this
 influx of money can create jobs, boost businesses, and provide short-term economic growth.
On the other hand
, it is argued that arranging an international sports
event
 can pose hazardous implications for the environment.
In other words
, the government should construct new buildings and improve the infrastructure of the places where events are held to accommodate all crowds and to host better; these things can lead to significant environmental consequences,
such
 as habitat destruction and an increased carbon footprint.
This
 is just because, setting up new structures using cement and sand, and destroying old ones means a lot of pollution;
moreover
, the more
people
 there are, the greater the carbon footprint there is.
As a consequence
, nature can be damaged owing to hosting a worldwide
event
. All things considered,
although
 hosting a global
event
 can be positive as it can foster the economy through tourism, spectator spending, and media investments, I support those arguing that it is harmful to the ecosystem because of the loss of habitats and higher carbon emissions.
Submitted by minimix1203 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded discussion of both views on the topic and effectively provides an opinion. However, providing a few more specific examples or data points would make the arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
The transitions and logical structure of your essay are generally effective, but consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow even more.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well-articulated, providing a solid framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported and provide a clear discussion of both views and your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task comprehensively and offers clear and reasoned arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • infrastructure
  • national pride
  • cultural showcase
  • inspire a generation
  • temporary boost
  • environmental concerns
  • sustainable planning
  • public funds
  • divert resources
  • tourism influx
  • job opportunities
  • sports development
  • public health
  • construction
  • strategic investment
  • global audience
  • hospitality
  • public services
  • cost-benefit analysis
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