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Band 6.5

Some people prefer to travel to somewhere new and different when they go on holiday, while others like to go to familiar places. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to visiting new places?

#people #travel #holiday #places
Most
people
 like to travel during the holidays. 2They go to a
place
 they have not visited or they go somewhere they know very well.
3This
Correct your spelling
3 This
 essay argues that there are more advantages to travelling to new
places
 than revisiting the same
place
. There are a number of benefits to visiting new
places
.
First,
travelling can be a time for discovery. You can gain new experiences in a city or country that you have not visited.
For example
, you may eat food that you have not tried or see a
place
that is
 very unusual. What is more, travelling to somewhere new introduces
people
 to the different ways of life. It can
also
 mean that they develop a positive attitude towards others.
In other words
, it can develop
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
show examples
 of the world. It is better to go where other
people
 live and see the clothes they wear, the music they like, the food they eat and the local customs they follow.
However
, there are some disadvantages when travelling to new
places
.
Firstly
, it can be more stressful, as it takes longer to make all
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
 arrangements. When I went away
last
 month to visit my cousins in the US, I spent hours booking the holiday.
Secondly
, it is easy to make mistakes. When you have never been to a
place
 before, you do not know which restaurants and trips to avoid. All in all, I feel there are more advantages when you go to new and different
places
. If
people
 do the same things all the time, they will not develop new interests in life or find out about the world.
Submitted by remalkhamis891 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to refine your transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This can make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments and logic.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to further support your points. This can make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and argues it convincingly. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids in readability and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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