IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

#doctors #people #exercise #patients
No one can deny that some people believe that people do
exercise
 regularly,
while
 others prefer to think that most patients do not follow an
exercise
 routine . It is important to admit that both views have their own benefits. In
this
 essay , I will discuss the possible
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that support each view , and what benefits they bring to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand . The options to think that encourages the older
humes
Correct your spelling
homes
 to do
exercise
 put the price when do
exercise
 regularly
in addition
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 the competitions between them. On the other hands
Submitted by almeem on

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task achievement
Your introduction is not clearly stating the reasons or solutions for the lack of exercise among older people. Try to reframe your introduction to directly address the task, which is explaining why older people do not follow an exercise routine and how they can be encouraged to do so.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you provide a logical structure by clearly dividing your essay into paragraphs, each addressing a specific point. For example, one paragraph could discuss reasons for the lack of exercise, and another could talk about possible solutions.
task achievement
It's important to develop each point comprehensively. For example, when mentioning 'competitions,' specify what types of competitions might be effective and why they would encourage older people.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is currently lacking a clear conclusion. Summarize your main points and end with a conclusive statement that summarizes the suggested solutions for the problem addressed.
task achievement
You have expressed an intention to discuss both views, which is good practice for balanced argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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