IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that visitors to other countries should obey local behaviors while other people disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Many individuals have thought foreign travellers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should follow local behaviours
on the contrary
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, others argue that the host country should accept cultural diversity.
This
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 essay will explain both views in detail. I,
however
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, opine that both local people and tourists should have that openness to accept new cultures and learn from each other to enhance interactions and awareness.
To begin
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 with, following regional customs and acknowledging their values encourage healthy communication between native folks and
visitors
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. Travellers should be ready to adapt and understand traditional lifestyles and the language.
This
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 is because adapting these will improve their conversation skills.
Thus
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, it will help to gain profound knowledge of its heritage and ideology.
For instance
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, students who go to different cities for study or jobs, prefer to learn the native language and adapt their way of life to make themselves comfortable and have a sense of belonging that makes it easier to survive.
Hence
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, having a mindset of acceptance and adaptation will be beneficial as
visitors
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 can establish a conversation and make themselves aware of cultural differences and their purposes.
On the other hand
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, not only tourists should follow native behaviours but
also
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 the host country should accept cultural variations and lifestyles. Many travellers exchange information about their traditional perspectives, food, and dressing styles with the local people.
Thus
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 how citizens can get new ideas and approaches to enhance their cultural awareness
as well as
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 businesses.
For example
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, many professionals understand and learn different perspectives and ideologies from international
visitors
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 that would be beneficial for them to run their business successfully with a tint of uniqueness. In conclusion,
while
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 it is important for
visitors
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 to be aware and respectful of local customs, host countries should
also
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 be open to accepting new cultures and their differences, creating a more inclusive environment for all. In my opinion, mutual respect for each other's beliefs and
ideology
Fix the agreement mistake
ideologies
show examples
 enhances awareness and communication between them, which would be beneficial to them.

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task accomplishment
Your introduction clearly presents both views and your position. However, it could benefit from a more engaging hook to draw the reader in.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are logically structured, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of your arguments.
task accomplishment
While you provide examples, further elaboration or more specific instances would strengthen your arguments and improve clarity in your explanations.
task accomplishment
You effectively outline both views on the topic, which shows a balanced approach to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion while reflecting the importance of mutual respect between visitors and host countries.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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