Today Inceasingly, more people have freedom to work or live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this system outweigh disadvantages.
These days,the government is providing a law
due
to Change preposition
apply
banning
smoking in public areas.A good example of these places would be Wrong verb form
ban
restuarants
.It is considered that Correct your spelling
restaurants
community
are not Fix the agreement mistake
communities
be
allowed to smoke in some distinguished regions.I completely agree with Unnecessary verb
apply
this
idea and in this
essay
I will support my own view with some significant examples.
Add a comma
essay,
Firstly
,one of the main reasons of
banning smoking in public is that it can be harmful Change preposition
for
for
some people who are involved Change the preposition
to
by
illnesses.Take asthma as an example.Change preposition
in
Moreover
,not only can be It destructive for people,but also
It may create some new diseases for old populations.
Another reason why I agree by
forbidding smoking in society is that youngsters can be encouraged to smoke Change preposition
with
in
Change preposition
at
low
ages.Generally speaking,the majority of juveniles follow the Correct word choice
young
adults
attitude.It is argued that,if the government ban smoking in public Change to a genitive case
adult's
adults'
area
,young populations will not be involved Fix the agreement mistake
areas
by
cigarettes.
Change preposition
in
To conclude
,although
some people believe that It should not be banned to smoke in public area
,I tend to agree with Fix the agreement mistake
areas
this
opinion,because of its danger and encouragement for children.I personally think,
smoking is full of demerits and It should be banned in all public places.Remove the comma
apply
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task achievement
You did a good job presenting your viewpoint clearly and providing specific examples. However, ensure your introduction is more aligned with the main topic. Instead of focusing on a broader aspect of smoking laws, stay more specific about smoking in public places.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words or phrases to better connect your ideas, and ensure smooth progression from one point to another. This helps create a more logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Support your points with more detailed explanations or data where appropriate. For instance, elaborate more on how smoking in public directly affects people with illnesses such as asthma. This will strengthen the support for your arguments.
task achievement
You provided clear examples to support your arguments, which made your position stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
You identified specific reasons, such as the impact on people with illnesses and the influence on youngsters, which added depth to your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.