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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"The Influences of Major Sports Events and Other Factors on Youth Participation in Sports" This title clearly reflects the main themes of your essay and gives the reader an idea of what to

#influences #sports #events #factors #youth #participation #title #themes #reader #idea
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Sports
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 have always captivated audiences worldwide, especially through major
events
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 like the Olympics, which can inspire young people to pursue
sports
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 careers.
While
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 watching these
events
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 on television motivates many, there are
also
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 significant factors
such
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 as health benefits, opportunities, and family support that influence young adults' involvement in
sports
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. I firmly believe that
while
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 major
sports
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events
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 ignite the initial passion for
sports
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, various other elements play crucial roles in shaping a young person's decision to engage in athletic activities. Major
sports
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events
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 like the Olympics influence adults to pursue it as a career option. The craze for winners and their prize-winning moments makes a great impact on children when they watch them on television receiving
honor
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honour
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 and making their nation proud.
For instance
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, in 2008 when Abhinav Bindra won his first Olympic medal for India in shooting, many youngsters adopted shooting as a passion and aimed to make their country as proud as him.
In addition
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 to that, the media coverage and awards given to the winners inspire adults on a path to achieve big. It helps to give them direction and motivate them to work hard on their physics and body. They try to copy their
role
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 model and inspire others towards health and exercise.
On the other hand
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, several other factors affect youth's choice for choosing
sports
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 as a career. The family background plays a vital
role
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 in a child's choice if there is a family member who plays a game or is involved in exercise or physical training, it's natural for them to incline towards
sports
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.
Furthermore
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, financial condition
also
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 affects youngsters' choices.
For example
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, shooting equipment is way more expensive as compared to wrestling. If an adult has strong financial support he/she may choose to play shooting but others will not be able to continue whether they have more skills or not. In conclusion, I believe that media coverage plays a crucial
role
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 in inspiring young ones to pursue a
sports
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 career by showing them their success stories.
However
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, ground support
such
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 as finance, family, and background are key factors that play a crucial
role
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 behind the scenes to make the dream a reality.
Submitted by amarjot755 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively outlines the influence of major sports events and other factors on youth sports participation. However, a more balanced treatment of the different influences would enhance the task achievement score. For instance, more detailed analysis and comparison between the influence of major sports events and other factors (like family support and financial considerations) would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider better connecting your paragraphs with appropriate transition phrases. This will help maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Additionally, elaborating on how specific examples reflect broader trends would be beneficial.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.
relevant specific examples
Good use of relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to Abhinav Bindra, which illustrates how major sports events can inspire youth participation in sports.
supported main points
The main points are clearly developed and supported, providing a solid argument for the impact of various factors on youth participation in sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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