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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should make university education free for all students, regardless of their financial situation. What's your opinion about this?

Due to
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 the economic crisis, some
people
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 believe that the government should make
university
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education
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 free for all members of society. In my opinion, it is the government's responsibility to ensure equal opportunities for all
people
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. It is my view that
people
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 with qualifications can gain benefit from knowledge and skills.
Therefore
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, they are more likely to find a proper job.
Also
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, recruiting a skilled workforce plays a vital role in a company's success and a country's development.
Moreover
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, there is compelling evidence that
people
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 who live below the poverty line fail to benefit from proper
education
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.
Due to
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 the economic crisis, many students face challenges in paying tuition fees.
Thus
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, they are often deprived of the chance to obtain higher qualifications. Dr. Emily Carter, a sociologist at the International Institute for Social Science and Humanities, has proposed a solution to address
this
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 issue. The approach she recommends is that tuition fees for higher
education
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 might be deferred and repaid as taxes once students enter the workforce. She
also
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 emphasized that it is the government's responsibility to ensure equal opportunities for all
people
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.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 claim that ensuring equal opportunities can lead to bad habits and laziness. They firmly insist that some countries suffer from economic problems.
Therefore
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, governments fail to support all
people
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. From a social perspective, parents are a decisive factor in their children's
education
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 and they should undertake great responsibilities.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 is a basic need and parents should provide children with easy access to resources.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as in a comprehensive study, research at North Carolina State
University
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 from 2000 to 2005 confirms that
people
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 who attend
university
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 are less likely to turn to crime. In conclusion, I completely agree with the former view that governments should make
university
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education
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 free for all members of society because
people
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 who attend
university
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 are less likely to turn to crime.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This can help improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Consider further exploring counterarguments to create a more balanced response, which could enhance the depth of your analysis.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion throughout your essay and effectively supported it with relevant examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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