Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In contemporary society, the incidence of
children
being absorbed in electronic devices hovers at a high level. There are various reasons attributed to it, and I definitely contend that
this
issue has numerous disadvantages. The increasing number of
children
who are addicted to electronic devices is influenced by various aspects of society. The first factor attributed to it is a lack of parental guidance. Parents play a pivotal role in
children
's growth, educating them on social and daily regulations
such
as the harm of spending excessive time on smartphones.
Secondly
, with the rapid development of the Internet, a host of celebrities impart incorrect views to
children
. It is well known that
children
are the most vulnerable to negative influences and unable to distinguish right from wrong. When
children
encounter violent or pornographic content on social media, they are likely to become addicted.
Lastly
, the design of the apps
enocourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
encourage
children
to keep
endless
Change the word
endlessly
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scrolling the screen,
due to
the dopamine produced. There is no doubt that seeing
children
spending hours on smartphones brings a lot of worries and negative influences. In the first place, the possibility of juvenile delinquency rises, as
children
lack self-control.
For instance
, a kid who watches videos concerning school violence
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
interested and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
to give it a shot, undermining social stability.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the incidence of
children
addicted to mobile phones is detrimental to national development, as fewer intelligent and sane
children
contribute to building cities.
In addition
, family relationships are not well-maintained since there is less time for parents and
children
to communicate and more time spent on entertainment. In conclusion, various reasons, including societal
factor
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factors
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, parental influence and key opinion leaders contribute to the proliferation of
children
buried in smartphones. I do assert that it is a bad trend for the entire nation.
Submitted by xeyojnn on

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task achievement
Expand on specific examples or case studies to illustrate points more vividly. For instance, mentioning particular studies or real-life stories that highlight the impact of smartphone use can make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying the vocabulary and sentence structures to maintain the reader’s interest and convey ideas more effectively. For example, instead of saying 'various reasons,' you might say 'a myriad of factors,' and so forth.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with a solid introduction and conclusion, providing a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and the essay addresses the task prompt thoroughly, discussing both the reasons behind children's smartphone use and the potential negative impacts.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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