Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?
In recent years, advancements in
technology
have changed how people
connect with each other. This
has turned people
into making many more friends but reduced the depth of relationships
. It is a harmful change as people
are less able to express their personal feelings.
Technology
's influences have made people
make much more friends than they possibly could in the past. This
is due to
the fact that social media has revolutionized communication and helps people
to keep in touch with each other regardless of their geographical location. Another change in human relationships
caused by modern technology
is that the number of intimate relationships
has been substantially less significant.
While
social media has enabled users to communicate with many, it has deterred them from strengthening bonds. For instance
, in Vietnam, where young people
20 years ago had much deeper connections than their modern counterparts as technology
was underdeveloped back then
.
The changes in the type of relationships
as a result
of technology
are disadvantageous , for they deter people
from having deeper connections. Lacking valuable bonds means that they have no one to confide with during depressive episodes which is inevitable for most humans, and it increases the possibility of making unwise decisions. Examples of this
can be seen all over the world, where cases of depression leading to suicidal behaviours are becoming more and more common, and one of the primary contributing factors is that the victims have nobody to share their burdens with.
In conclusion, despite people
, nowadays, having more ability to communicate, they are making less meaningful relationships
; thus
, this
has diminished the quality of relationships
and harms their well-being.Submitted by kevinleom12 on
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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to better guide the reader. For example, you could state explicitly that the essay will discuss both the positive and negative effects of technology on relationships, leading to a final judgment on whether the impact is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops a single main idea more thoroughly. Some of your points feel like they need more development and connection to the overall argument.
task achievement
Your essay could be improved by adding more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you mention that technology reduces the depth of relationships; it would be helpful to provide concrete examples or studies that support this claim.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is effective in summarizing the main points and restating your position. It leaves the reader with a clear understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example by mentioning the situation in Vietnam. This strengthens your argument by providing a specific illustration of your point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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