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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many countries spend a lot of money on art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #money #art #people #investment #health #education
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Many
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 allocate substantial funds to arts, sparking debate about whether
this
Linking Words
 spending is wise.
While
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 some argue that
art
Use synonyms
 is a vital part of cultural and societal development, others believe that limited resources should improve essential services like
health
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 and
education
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.
Although
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 both are important, I would say that the benefits
in
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of
show examples
 investing
for
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in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 can be far superior for some reasons that I will set down below.
Art
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 preserves culture, fosters creativity, and
boost
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boosts
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 economies through tourism and job creation. Public
art
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 can
enchance
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enhance
 community well-being and national pride, making it an important aspect of societal growth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that
health
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 and
education
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 are fundamental for progress, especially under-resourced nations. Improvements
for
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in
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 healthcare and
education
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 can support lives, reducing poverty and fostering economic stability. In comparison,
art
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 is seen as a luxury, not an urgent necessity. In my view,
health
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 and
education
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 as the primary needs should be seen as the priorities, especially in
under-resources
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under-resourced
show examples
 nations.
However
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,
art
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also
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 deserves reasonable support as it fosters cultural identity and economic growth.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 could balance these needs by funding essential services first
while
Linking Words
 seeking alternatives, like sponsorships, to support the arts. In conclusion,
while
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art
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 is fundamental for cultural and societal creativity,
health
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 and
education
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plays
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play
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 a vital role in basic needs and quality of life.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and provide clearer support for your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structure and word choice in some areas to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion with a logical structure.
task achievement
Both perspectives on art funding versus spending on health and education are thoughtfully discussed, showing a balanced understanding of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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