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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, the environment in an office or a school has become a controversial issue. Some may opine that encouraging
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 society provides several
benefits
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,
while
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 others argue that fostering cooperation can lead to a more perfect achievement. In my opinion, I totally believe that competition is a key to success in both work and school lives because of numerous factors, which will be detailed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, a competitive working environment offers several
benefits
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.
Firstly
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, it encourages staff or students to stay active all along
such
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 as learning new knowledge,
practicing
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practising
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 professional skills, and initiating new ideas.
This
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 leads to creating a higher number of excellent professions.
Moreover
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, a competitive staff typically gain several advantages to a company as they usually initiate ideas to improve the result of their responsible tasks.
For example
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, there are many companies that deploy the KPI of their staff by achieving the goal of a specific task as a baseline, and if they are able to initiate improvement or gain more
benefits
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, they can achieve a higher performance score.
Such
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 a practice normally challenges employees to make more
benefits
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 to a business to gain more salary or get
promotion
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a promotion
the promotion
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.
In contrast
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, teamwork is a noticeably necessary skill in numerous companies. In various projects, working with related departments or disciplines is essential since there are lots of aspects to be concerned about and need
professions
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professionals
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 to review.
For example
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, in
an
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apply
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engineering work, there are different
department
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departments
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 involved in a project
such
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 as an engineer as a key man, procurement team supports in a marketing aspect, working together to ensure that the job is completely reviewed in all concern points.
Therefore
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, the skill to work with a variety of people is important for a successful task. In conclusion,
while
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 some may argue that cooperative skill is vital for
an
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apply
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achievement in a company, I strongly believe that making
a
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apply
show examples
competition among people in a place can enhance various aspects, including making a high-quality profession and contributing more
benefits
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, which can lead to a successful company.

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task achievement
Try to provide balance in discussion. Although you have addressed both sides, the argument in favor of cooperation could be further detailed.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are clear and directly supportive of the points made. Adding more specific instances can help in illustrating your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear logical structure throughout by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. You can use more transitional phrases to help with this.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task prompt by addressing both points of view and offering your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is quite cohesive, and your main points are supported well. However, they can be further substantiated with more detailed examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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