Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays,
men
in a lot of countries worldwide do military exercises after their basic school studies. In addition
, there are people
who believe that this
idea would be perfect if becomes necessary for both
males and females of all countries. Obviously, I'm of the opinion that this
initiative will help every country for a variety of reasons.
To start with, in case of all governments accept this
idea, then
, countries will be safer than now. This
will occur due to
the fact that people
, both
men
and women
, will be ready for a war
. The military service
will offer them the possibility to know how is a war
under artificial conditions. Unfortunately, a war
is not predicted in some cases and humans lose the fight because humans are not prepared well and of course, a war
is unknown for them. Thus
, with compulsory military service
protection of every area will increase and people
will live with safety.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of doubts for women
. Some people
believe that women
have less force and more fear. Taking into account these two factors, women
may not be as good as men
to fight during a war
. In previous wars, it has been shown that females protected their children in the houses and helped by offering food to males who were fighting. So, they think that maybe it is not a need for women
to prepare their body and their fighting abilities for war
because it is not in their role.
To conclude
, in my opinion, both
men
and women
of every nation should prepared for a war
. Compulsory military service
is the key to this
. Additionally
, I strongly believe that every person can help in a war
both
fighting and caring for children and elderly people
. Thus
, why not have an equal right for both
males and females to have military service
?Submitted by sssssraf on
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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task statement, but you can improve task achievement by including more relevant specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. Examples from real-life scenarios, historical context, and statistical data would make your points stronger.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and completeness of your ideas by spending a bit more time articulating each point. Sometimes, the ideas could be clearer or more expansive. Re-read each paragraph to ensure that your main points are not just stated but also explained comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the logical structure of your essay is quite good, but sometimes the transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. Using linking phrases such as 'moreover,' 'consequently,' and 'however' can help maintain the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument. However, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to another. A more precise alignment of supporting details with topic sentences will add to the overall coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your essay and clearly states your position on the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion ties everything together nicely and reiterates your main point clearly, emphasizing the logical consistency of your viewpoint.
supported main points
Most of your main points are well supported and relevant to the topic. You provide a balanced view by mentioning potential counterargument, especially about the role of women.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to the overall argument, contributing to good coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.