IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them.

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The average weight of
individuals
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 are rising and their level of
health
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 and fitness are declining in some nations around the world. There are numerous causes for
this
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,
however
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 certain measures could be taken to address
this
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 drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, the major
health
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 conditions are rising nowadays
due to
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 these factors:
one
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, lack of
exercise
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due to
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 the nature of
individuals
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 work. Some people are so keen to their work in a way that they tend to workout which is detrimental to
one
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's wellbeing thereby exposing them to serious
health
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 conditions
such
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 as stroke and heart diseases. Another point is consumption of fast
foods
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 has become common these days. people often eats at restaurants and most eatery centers which most of them are junk
foods
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,
such
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 as noodles, fried rice and others, which many of them were with cooking oil containing bad cholesterol that can lead to obesity and affects
one
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's life. Again
intake
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 of excessive alcohols, consuming excess alcohol is toxic to the liver which can cause cancer and might kill
On the other hand
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, here are possible solutions to these problems:
one
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, there should be routine
exercise
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 for
individuals
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such
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 as hiking, visiting gyms and walking at a distance on daily basis to prevent blood clotting and free flow of blood to the brain and other vital organs. Two,
individuals
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 to adopt a positive lifestyle by eating more balanced diet
such
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 as protein, vitamins and fibers,
also
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 adhire to home made
foods
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 which is healthier than those prepared outside. Again,
individuals
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 should desists from
intake
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 of excessive alcohol for healthy and stronger liver
To conclude
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,
individuals
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health
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 and fitness are deteriorating in some nations around the world
due to
Linking Words
 these factors: lack of
exercise
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, fast
foods
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,
intake
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 of excessive alcohol and the possible solutions to these problems are regular
exercise
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, consumption of balanced diet and desists from
intake
Use synonyms
 of alcoholic drinks.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your points. For instance, you could elaborate on the types of exercises and healthier food options people could adopt.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better coherence. Creating more explicit connections between sentences would help the reader to follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to understand your main points.
task achievement
You successfully addressed both parts of the task by discussing the causes and providing possible solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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