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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
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From the past to the present,
people
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 play different kinds of
music
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 in their festivals.
Also
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, the types of
music
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 have been developed since the advancement of technology. In my opinion, the song has a crucial effect on our lives for clear reasons. I am
also
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 convinced that both traditional and international
music
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 have positive impacts on personal lives. It is my view that melody can give a sense of satisfaction when
individuals
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 listen to their favourite for a
while
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. Listening to
music
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 is the best way to refrain from issues and bad feelings that happen in
people
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’s lives and can occur when
individuals
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 are in a good mood and they would like to boost their happiness.
For example
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,
individuals
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 play a variety of melodies in their parties to show their pleasure.
In addition
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,
people
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 can improve their knowledge of the
music
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 industry by listening to different types of
music
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.
For instance
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, there are a lot of
music
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 styles
such
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 as rock,rap, classical etc use different instruments to play them and have big fans. I
further
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 believe that it is significant that
people
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 should listen to local and foreign
music
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 in order to boost their information about their history.
For example
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, traditional melodies for each country are a symbol of a culture they can perform
this
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 kind of
music
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 to indigenous and foreign
people
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 so as to aware them of their traditions.
Therefore
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, international
music
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 is the best way to communicate with other nations in order to learn about their language and culture.
In other words
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,
this
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 method can increase interpersonal skills between
individuals
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.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to give the essay a stronger foundation. This will help guide your reader through your argument more effectively. For instance: "This essay argues that music plays a vital role in our lives by providing emotional satisfaction and cultural knowledge, and that both traditional and international music are essential in different ways."
Task Achievement
While you have included several relevant points, expand on these with more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic and provide more evidence for your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude your essay with a summarizing paragraph that restates your main points and provides a final takeaway message. This will leave the reader with a strong impression of your argument and ensure your essay feels complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to sentence variety and complexity to enhance readability. Using a mix of short and long sentences, as well as various sentence structures, will help maintain the reader's interest.
Task Achievement
The essay covers several aspects of the topic, making it a comprehensive response. You clearly discuss the importance of music and the significance of both traditional and international music.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are clear and logically ordered, especially in the body paragraphs. Each paragraph has a distinct main idea that contributes to your overall argument.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples and illustrations to support your points. For instance, you mention different music styles and the cultural significance of traditional music, which enriches your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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