IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #history #waste #time
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A handful of
people
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 believe that learning
history
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 is a waste of time, but others think that it is crucial for them. In
this
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 article, I will explain both sides and give a couple of instances that justify and refute. A small number of
people
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 argue that studying
history
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 is a waste of time. In some cases it is true. Nowadays, info on
history
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 is not necessary every day. It is not beneficial to know when to build the Egyptian pyramids or the Great Wall of China. Every day is bigger and bigger and requires primary lore like math, knowledge of the language, and
also
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 information about a mother tongue's grammar.
Moreover
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, the lore of
history
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 does not engage pupils' attention. They think
that is
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flatly
Change the word
flat
show examples
 and not necessary.
For instance
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, a large number of companies claim information about their industry.
While
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 the opposite group disagrees with studying
history
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, others are confident that everybody must know the of past their country.
Furthermore
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, the info of past their country can help
people
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 to think outside of the box and
also
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 can point to the mistakes of their ancestors.
In addition
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, it encourages
people
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 to understand how
people
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 build architectural monuments. In the public opinion poll can clearly see that individuals who have high grades in
history
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,
also
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 have a high level of social science skills. In my mind, it is crucial to know of historical events.
Overall
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, opinions of the public claim that learning
history
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 is not necessary today,
while
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 others argue that it is essential to be aware of their ancestors. In my mind, it is important to know
history
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 in the present.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
Try to strengthen the introduction by providing a more engaging opening statement or context for the discussion. This will help draw the reader in more effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to support your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive and provide clearer evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at presenting both sides of the argument, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay concludes with a clear statement of your opinion, summarizing your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have used some complex sentences and vocabulary, which is beneficial for achieving a higher score in coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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