IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people in the city live in small space and without outdoor space. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #city #space #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 Contemporary epoch,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 ratio
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased tremendously, especially in the urban locations, Consequences, people who live in metropolitan
places
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have outside
places
. I think
this
 is a negative breakthrough and
this
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with, a lack of outskirts Spaces
Create
Correct subject-verb agreement
Creates
show examples
 multifarious problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the population.
This
 is, mankind
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 to park their vehicles because of lack of outsides, and it creates nervous and
threaten
Change the verb form
threatens
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Individuals who pank vehicles
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
road
Add an article
the road
show examples
 without parking at their home
space
.
For example
,
according to
 the Statistics, Stolen of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the vehicles are parked
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
.
In addition
, some apartments do not
have be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
allow pets, if they allow pets,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 always
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 issues between residents. cities neither have
space
 for parking nor have Permission
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 pets.
Furthermore
, having outside
places
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 healthy;
space
Correct article usage
the space
show examples
 of gardens always
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 for relaxation, and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every morning, but city People do not have spaces to do it, that's why they undergo a lot of
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 namely,
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
, heart attack, and Obesity.
For instance
, Countryside
mankind are
Verb problem
people
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
witness of
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
 lifestyle than urban persons; If metropolitan
Places
would
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have
space
 for exercise, People will be affected health-wise In conclusion,
hown
Correct your spelling
young
 individuals do not have open.
Space
 in front of their houses
due to
 overpopulation,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings multifarious detrimental effects to them, no parking facilities,
Pet
Fix the agreement mistake
Pets
show examples
 allowed,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 exercise, there are
lead
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to negative repercussions.
Therefore
, I think
this
 is a negative development.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance which is important for task achievement. However, ensure each main point is thoroughly explained and supported by relevant examples. Avoid repetition and keep your ideas concise and focused.
coherence cohesion
Aim for clearer paragraph structures. For instance, make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence. Transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Avoid abrupt starts and stops in your writing.
task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary. Be mindful about capitalization and correct use of plurals and possessives. Polish sentence structures for better clarity.
task achievement
When presenting an argument, ensure each point is backed by specific examples or statistics and explain their relevance. Provide context for your examples, ensuring they directly support your main points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents your argument and indicates the structure of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The topic is relevant and timely, showcasing your awareness of contemporary issues in urban living.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: