Olders after retirement spend money on themselves for travels or holidays rather than for their children. Is this positive or negative development.

#olders #retirement #money #holidays #children #development

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Retired older tend to spend the most part of their financial resources on voyages and weekends.

Although

this

improvement will allow older to concentrate on their health and take the rest they deserve after challenging work, It may lead to a lack of financial resources in emergency cases. Olders who are retired and invest

money

in themselves

cause

positive developments

Remove the comma

apply

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since they will not only take a rest after a difficult experience at work but

also

consider their healthcare. They will have enough

money

to visit another country and cover all their expenses both for adventures and healthcare that are costly.

For example

, when retired older use their income on themselves, they take qualified healthcare and their life become full of voyages they want but used to not allow before.

Thus

, soldiers who invest

money

in their needs

cause

advantages.

On the other hand

this

change may

cause

drawbacks, since there could be a lack of saved

money

in emergency cases.

As a result

, there would not be

Remove the article

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financial independence both for older and their family members.

For instance

, when older face difficulties

such

as extra health surgeries for family members or similar ones which include spending a huge amount of

money

, they regret about travels they have made.

Therefore

, aged individuals who spend financial resources on travel may

cause

Verb problem

experience

show examples

disadvantages.

To conclude

, when aged individuals invest their profit only for themselves, they will have both satisfaction from voyages and regrets about financial dependence in awful

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

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. If they managed their cash in a more rational way, they would not have challenges.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Fri Aug 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to avoid repetition of the word 'older' and variations thereof. Using synonyms like 'seniors' or 'elderly individuals' can enhance variety, making your essay more engaging.

task achievement

Work on sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to improve clarity and comprehension of your ideas. For example, 'They will have enough money to visit another country and cover all their expenses both for adventures and healthcare that are costly,' could be simplified for better understanding.

introduction conclusion present

You presented a clear introduction and a conclusion, providing a rounded structure to the essay.

complete response

The essay engages with both positive and negative aspects of the topic, which reflects a balanced approach. This is a strong aspect of task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Olders after retirement spend money on themselves for travels or holidays rather than for their children. Is this positive or negative development.

Your opinion

Some people believe that is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while some think it is best to deal with them nationally Discuss both views and give your opinion

Museums are often thought to be boring, and many people perceive visiting them a waste of time. What do you think is the importance of museums, and how can they be made intersting?

It has been proposed that citizens should only consume food and drink products that have been produced in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?