Olders after retirement spend money on themselves for travels or holidays rather than for their children. Is this positive or negative development.
Retired older tend to spend the most part of their financial resources on voyages and weekends.
Although
this
improvement will allow older to concentrate on their health and take the rest they deserve after challenging work, It may lead to a lack of financial resources in emergency cases.
Olders who are retired and invest money
in themselves cause
positive developments,
since they will not only take a rest after a difficult experience at work but Remove the comma
apply
also
consider their healthcare. They will have enough money
to visit another country and cover all their expenses both for adventures and healthcare that are costly. For example
, when retired older use their income on themselves, they take qualified healthcare and their life become full of voyages they want but used to not allow before. Thus
, soldiers who invest money
in their needs cause
advantages.
On the other hand
, this
change may cause
drawbacks, since there could be a lack of saved money
in emergency cases. As a result
, there would not be a
financial independence both for older and their family members. Remove the article
apply
For instance
, when older face difficulties such
as extra health surgeries for family members or similar ones which include spending a huge amount of money
, they regret about travels they have made. Therefore
, aged individuals who spend financial resources on travel may cause
disadvantages.
Verb problem
experience
To conclude
, when aged individuals invest their profit only for themselves, they will have both satisfaction from voyages and regrets about financial dependence in awful case
. If they managed their cash in a more rational way, they would not have challenges.Fix the agreement mistake
cases
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of the word 'older' and variations thereof. Using synonyms like 'seniors' or 'elderly individuals' can enhance variety, making your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Work on sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to improve clarity and comprehension of your ideas. For example, 'They will have enough money to visit another country and cover all their expenses both for adventures and healthcare that are costly,' could be simplified for better understanding.
introduction conclusion present
You presented a clear introduction and a conclusion, providing a rounded structure to the essay.
complete response
The essay engages with both positive and negative aspects of the topic, which reflects a balanced approach. This is a strong aspect of task achievement.
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