IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many animals are facing extinction in the wild. Why is this happening? What can be done to protect them?

#animals #extinction
There are plenty of faunas currently in breach of
extinction
. Human actions
such
 as wild hunting are mainly responsible for the increase in chances of an animal's
extinction
. There are a few ways that can be done to prevent
animals
 from being extinct will be explained in the following paragraph.
Firstly
, the
government
 can release a law regarding wild hunting.
This
 would strict people from doing it since they would fear facing the consequences. Even though it will take some time for the
government
 to be able to release
such
 a law, it would take a shorter amount of time rather than having years for scientists to do research trying to bring
animals
 back from
extinction
.
In addition
, providing young people in school with education regarding the importance of each animal would increase their empathy toward
animals
 preventing them from harming
animals
.
Although
 it might take up some school time, it will be beneficial for them in the future so that their future generation will still be able to see each unique animal.
Lastly
, the
government
 can create a protected sanctuary for rare
animals
.
This
 would protect
animals
 with professional help
such
 as zoologists, vets, and militaries. Even though it requires a huge amount of manpower, it is
also
 important to note that it requires more manpower to revive
animals
 once it has already extinct. In the final analysis, there a a few ways that can be done to prevent
animals
 from
extinction
due to
 wild hunting
such
 as stricter laws by the
government
, educating children and teens on the importance of each animal, and creating a sanctuary for rare
animals
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Ensure that examples given are specific and directly related to the points being made. Consider giving more detailed examples or case studies to support your suggestions.
logical structure
Work on consistently linking ideas between paragraphs to enhance flow. Use transition words or phrases to connect your arguments more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the main issue and the essay provides a logical conclusion, summarizing the main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas with multiple strategies suggested to combat animal extinction, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: