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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of people using private cars in five Australian cities between 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people using private cars in five Australian cities between 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #people #cars #five #australian #cities #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart above
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the comparison
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people driving private
cars
Use synonyms
 in five different Australian cities,
such
Linking Words
 as Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, and Adelaide. The data was taken from 2000 until 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, all of the cities In Australia
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a similarity which is the citizens prefer to
use
Use synonyms
 their private
cars
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
public
Correct word choice
of public
show examples
Use synonyms
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. In
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
, the
percentation
Correct your spelling
presentation
perception
 of citizens who
use
Use synonyms
 public
Use synonyms
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 is always around 20
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, still in the same city, the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of private
cars
Use synonyms
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 at 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
. But, started to rise up in 2005 and 2006.
Then
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In
other city
Change the wording
another city
other cities
show examples
, Melbourne's
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who
use
Use synonyms
 mass
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transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 is only 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
 from time to time. On the other side, the
percentage
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who
use
Use synonyms
 private
cars
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 is about 30 per
cent
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. But, plunged in 2003 and in 2010, the
percentation
Correct your spelling
percentage
 was 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In Brisbane itself, there is a good change in
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
public
Change preposition
of public
show examples
Use synonyms
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in 2000 it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and significantly increased in 2010 until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 28 per
cent
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, people
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there who
use
Use synonyms
 private
cars
Use synonyms
 still remain at 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Move to Perth, the total
percentage
Use synonyms
 of citizens who
use
Use synonyms
 mass
Use synonyms
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 versus private
cars
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 has a very big gap which is 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 city, Adelaide has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same condition
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 Perth and the gap was more than 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, cars, use, transportations, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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