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Band 7

The number of zoos in some countries has increased. Some people think they are cruel and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

#zoos #countries #people
In some countries, the number of
zoos
 shows an upward trend, and it is believed that they can be inhumane to
animals
 and
therefore
 should be banned. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
 view because
zoos
, in fact, can help
animals
 in a number of ways.
Firstly
,
zoos
 can ensure
animals
 live happily.
In other words
,
zoos
 can provide medical assistance for
animals
 that suffer from health issues and do regular medical checkups to maintain their health.
In contrast
, when the
animals
 are in the wild, they may have a shorter life span, and in some cases,
this
 can lead to the extinction of certain types of
animals
, especially when they are endangered. In China,
for example
, some pandas are taken care of in rescue centre facilities in some
zoos
 to help them stay healthy and live for a longer period of time.
Hence
, they are not cruel
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
animals
.
Secondly
,
zoos
 can help to protect
animals
 from poachers.
That is
 to say, some
animals
 are endangered because of overhunting and their values.
For instance
, in Africa, some elephant species are on the verge of extinction because they are hunting for their tusks. When they are in the
zoos
, they will be protected 24 hours a day, with the help of guards and CCTV. With
this
, some
animals
 can live in a safe environment, and in some cases, their number can be increased with the help of some breeding programs.
This
 point can undoubtedly reject
such
 a view -
zoos
 are inhumane.
To sum up
, I once again reaffirm my position that
zoos
 should not be banned because they can bring about many benefits to many different types of
animals
, especially the ones that are going to go extinct.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Consider adding more depth to your points through further elaboration and varied examples. This can help in providing a more comprehensive view of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to a few minor grammatical and vocabulary inaccuracies. Although they do not significantly alter the meaning, refining these can enhance the overall flow and readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Add transitions and linking words to better guide the reader through your arguments, making the logical flow even clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your stance on the issue and provides a good overview of the reasons you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs for each main point, followed by relevant examples. This helps in maintaining a clear and logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reiterates your stance clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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