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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some young people go to college or university to have a successful career path. Others, however, choose to go straight to work to gain real life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the present world, many
people
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 are confused about what to do after graduating from high school. Alternatively, some of them decide to continue their
further
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 study, and others decide to start their professional journey.
Both
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 points of view, starting
university
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 and starting a job, can be good decisions for them, but,
people
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 should choose between these two
according to
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 their individual lifestyle and background. Alternatively, in
this
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 essay,
both
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 issues are going to be discussed and analysed to find an optimum option.
Firstly
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, starting undergraduate studies after high school
,
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apply
show examples
 can be beneficial for students.
For example
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, college students can familiarize themselves with a professional community, which includes a number of
university
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 professors and successful classmates.
Accordingly
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,
this
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 will help the student to link with useful and talented
people
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, which can help them on the road to
success
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. In brief, applying for an academic course
,
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apply
show examples
 has lots of benefits beyond the
university
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 lessons, that lead the student to a good life.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 decide to apply for a job position rather than enrolling in a
university
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. As a matter of fact,
this
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 category is more experienced
people
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, which may be more successful than the first group.
For instance
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,
according to
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 my point of view, probably they cannot solve complex problems and issues
as well as
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 graduate society.
However
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, not only they are not before academic society, but
also
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 are they more successful in some specific fields.
Overall
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, it is not correct to say that non-graduated
people
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 are less successful, but, it is better to state that they are as equal to them, but the fields may differ. To summarise,
both
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 groups have their own individual path to
success
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.
In addition
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, it is very important to find our special way to
success
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, not deciding
according to
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 others opinion,
however
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, in my point of view, it is better to combine
both
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 categories and make a balance between them, in
this
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 way the chance of
success
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 is more, perhaps.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your arguments by ensuring that each point is clearly developed and backed with detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas and connections between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to rephrase the introduction and conclusion for better impact and clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, acknowledging the merits of each side, which is a positive aspect.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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